Karma
by CMW2
Summary: POST S2 AU:For every action, there are consequences to be faced. After the Arctic implodes the group, everyone has to pick up the pieces and move on. Penny will make this easier for Sheldon;Rated for language and future spice;6th in my 2012 SSS Project;NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Crazy Long Author's Note: Okay, new fandom and new WIP, I'm ready! I have a job as a home caregiver during the week and my employer loves all the court shows on CW50. During that time, I've seen previews for reruns of _TBBT_ and since I've always had a passing interest in the show (any show with a skinny but still kinda hot genius character is an instant hit with me), I decided to tune in during a Sunday marathon. **

**And the first episode I saw was the one when Penny busted her shoulder and Sheldon was her adorkable hero. Yeah…that one. With the Soft Kitty as a round. Coupled with that awesomeness, I also have a thing for _plausible_ Beauty and the Geek plot lines so I am now a die-hard Shenny shipper. In fact, you guys probably have noticed me trolling the archive and cyber stalking some wonderful authors in the fandom via favs and alerts and a review. But, now I want to play, too. **

**I am working in the confines of a post Arctic alternate universe with a very different set of characters. This veers canon off course after Season 2 (but will have some references from later Shenny moments in the show) and there will be no established Leonard/Penny-ness in this dojo. Leading to…**

**Fair Warning: At the end of the day, I have very little patience for Leonard Hofstadter. No grown man, especially one that's supposed to be a frickin' genius, should whine and manipulate as much as he does. Ever. Ice Queen Mommy issues be damned. Howard Wolowitz and Raj Koothrappali are cool, except for when they follow after Leonard blindly so the Trio's gonna be a little worse for wear. What they did with that blasted "prank" was lower than low and they deserved a lot more bad karma than they got, hence this fic. If this is well received, there will be more chapters and an upping in rating. Hope you guys enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

The Artic Expedition had changed everything.

Once the whole ugly story came out, it was hard for the three of them to be able to work with anyone else, even as an assistant. Leslie Winkle had put it frankly when she had fetched them from the airport that day…

"_After what you all did to Dr. Dumbass, someone who was supposed to be your friend, no one around here trusts that you three won't take a can opener to their life's work. And I'll say it now, Hofstadter. If you or your minions even **glance** at any of my work wrong, you'll have to go back to the Artic just to find your glasses and your balls. That is if you still have a job after today…"_

Gablehauser had wanted a meeting immediately, extreme jet lag and beards be damned. Leslie was to bring them straight to Caltech. Raj Koothrappali had let out a pained whimper at the announcement and Howard Wolowitz had looked like he was going to mess his emo pants. He had just nodded. After all, once he got in front of Gablehauser, who had dealt with Sheldon's…_**Sheldoness**_ himself on numerous occasions, he'd understand. After all, it was better than homicide and it had been coming to that. Something had to give and not only would the false positive get them out of that hellhole, it would be a good lesson in humility for his friend. He had been a megalomaniac, a bullying tyrant, an arrogant neurotic, twitching ass. Gablehauser would understand and they'd walk out with just a little slap on the wrist, if even that. It would be okay…

It had been a bloodbath. Not only had Gablehauser had been there but a whole faculty committee: a very angry faculty. No amount of personal reasoning could override the deliberate and very public sabotage of a fellow scientist's work, a mortal sin on all professional and amateur levels. As evidence was presented, including the emails that Sheldon had sent to every corner of the Physics World, an icy chill had slowly worked its way to his gut.

It was far from a prank, it was absolute career suicide. His "brilliant" idea had not only put their careers on the chopping block but Raj's visa, too. After all, the only reason he had been able to stay away from India as long as he had was that Sheldon had taken him on as an assistant. Sheldon had handpicked them as his team, showing trust and faith in them in his own way. He could've picked anyone in the world to help him but no, he picked his best friend and valued acquaintances to aid his quest for String Theory glory…

And they had collectively shit on him. Then, they tried to play it off as nothing, as something righteous even. It wasn't nothing: it was _**everything**_. See, although they were useful in their own rights, Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper: B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D was not expendable to the Powers that Be. At the end of the day, he was a brilliant mind with much to offer the academic community, not to mention the revenue and accolades he brought to Caltech. To lose him due to mortification induced by "three small hateful little men", as a department head sneered was simply unacceptable. Remove the problems and it may serve as an incentive to get him back before he signs on with another institution or even with the government.

Simply put, they were doomed.

Leonard had been very close to vomiting as the final deliberation started but just before Gablehauser made his ruling, Penelope "Penny" Oaks had come in from the side entrance, a DVD in her hand and a visitor's badge on her purse. She had been in a white sundress and those gladiator sandals she was so obsessed with, setting off the tan of her creamy skin and the shimmer of her blonde locks. She was beautiful, the only warmth he had left up there and in front of the panel. She was here for him. She was on his side. They would get through this together…

Her emerald eyes had lit and held on him and his stomach roiled faster at the utter disgust within them. No. No, not that. Not Penny, too. Please don't let the Arctic have ruined his fated future with Penny too. It couldn't be that way. It wasn't fair! God, please no…

She had put the DVD in and a very solemn looking Sheldon, standing in Penny's freshly cleaned kitchen, came up on the auditorium screen. Although he looked clean and sober, he was dressed in layers of black and his normally bright blue eyes were dead and bloodshot from exhaustion…and tears, if his cheeks were any indication. He was even paler than before and his hands were shaking, even as he hugged his arms. Sheldon didn't look like an arrogant ass or even a mad genius. Sheldon looked…broken. Sheldon _**was**_ broken!

What had they done? What had _**he**_ done?

"…**My fellow scientists, I have made this DVD to not only tender my resignation from your institution in person but as a heartfelt plea for leniency for Hofstadter, Wolowitz, and Koothrappali. Although their actions were undeniably unprofessional and cruel, I cannot gloss over the fact that my, as my mother refers to them, eccentricities played a large part in their decision to sabotage the Arctic Expedition's results. I know that this sort of behavior is typically grounds for immediate termination but they are…_were_ my friends and I implore you all to look past your umbrage against them and see that although they are not on par with me, they have the potential to do well in their respective fields and help keep Caltech's standards high, as I am no longer able to do so. Rest assured, I have absolutely no plans of permanently shelving my quest for a Nobel Prize but...this retreat is necessary. Sadly necessary but necessary all the same. I thank you all for your time and any other inquiries you may have should be directed to Ms. Penelope Rosemary Oaks, the deliverer of this message and current manager of my affairs. Live…live long and prosper."**

The raw Texas twang pain in Sheldon's monotone had sent Raj into quiet sobs, caused Howard to throw up in the nearby trash can, and his knees to finally give out. Even after everything, he had tossed them a lifeline. He had broken through his pain long enough to spare them…

Penny came over after the committee dispersed and he looked into cold green eyes as he shakily stood up. She jabbed a finger into his chest and started shaking with her own angry sobs.

"We were all wrong about him. He may be a Whack-a-doodle but he's a far better human being than any 'normal' person, including you. Sheldon's long gone. He moved out of 4A 3 weeks ago and took all his stuff with him. I don't know exactly where he is but I do know from emails that he's okay. Okay as he can be, anyway. He might come back, he might not but I totally agree with him. We're all definitely not friends anymore, Leonard. Never _**ever**_ again." she declared through gritted teeth.

And out the door she went, leaving him with an intact career but a shattered heart.

He didn't deserve the former but he definitely deserved the latter…

...God, what had he done?


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: And it's on. Thank you all so much for your enthusiastic responses and support. The endgame of this story will have Sheldon and Penny together with all the fixings (including coitus…a whole lot of it) but it's gonna be an angsty little journey to get there. Sheldon isn't angry: he's hurt, hurt in a way that he's never been hurt before. He's gotta wrap his mind around it all so it's gonna take a while. But, rest assured, Penny will come to him soon. Now, it's time to go into Sheldon's head and I hope I've gotten his voice right.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

_It **hurts**…it **hurts**…it **hurts**…it **hurts**…it **hurts**…it **hurts**...  
_

That recurring mantra was coupled with the word _**why**_. Even though it was nearly 8 weeks since he had fled the Arctic and Pasadena, he was still in all consuming emotional pain. Pain that infiltrated everything…

As he had taped box after box shut in 4A, as he listened to his sister and brother rage against his friends…_**former**_ friends as they moved furniture, as he heard Penny go up and down the stairs with volunteers, the train ride home, through his mother and MeeMaw's hugs… the pain…the deep pain just wouldn't go away…

The older Lee Cooper siblings had nearly broken him in two in a hug upon their arrival but his brain didn't supply its usual warnings and facts against contamination. Sheldon had let his knees give out and he wept bitterly in the lobby, his grief apparent to all in 2311 South Robles. Now that he thought about it in retrospect, his wails had been remarkably similar to Chewbacca's lament during and after Han Solo's carbonite imprisonment. Not to mention the looks of pity that those in the lobby kept shooting him, resident or visitor...

Only Penny had dared to approach them, though.

Missy had pulled her into the tangled hug and he had shivered as her head rested between his shoulders. She had slid a gentle hand under his layers of black and stroked his back, humming Soft Kitty between epithets against Hofstadter and his accomplices.

It had baffled him. Wasn't she determined to be with Hofstadter, anymore? She had been before their departure, even expressing her wish for him not to leave. What had changed? Why was he no longer Leonard but a "pasty, four-eyed, backstabbing, goat fuckin' bastard", in her words? Once he had composed himself enough to move away from his siblings, he turned and asked. Grabbing the sleeve of his thermal, she had pulled him outside and he had been horrified to see tears streaming from her own eyes…

"_Please don't weep, Penny. You don't have to answer my query if it saddens you…"_

"_I'm not crying because I'm sad, I'm crying because I'm fucking pissed! How could he **do** this to you? You guys have been best friends for like ever and he…and then he got Howard and Raj to…and…and…he was supposed to be different! He wasn't supposed to a hateful douche bag or someone so petty that…he was supposed to be different but he's no better than the rest of the jag offs I dated or tried to date! And he hurt my best friend!"_

"_I am your best friend?" he asked warily._

"_Well, **duh!** Who else? …what? What's wrong?"_

"_Hofstadter frequently said that I was his best friend but he betrayed me. Even after over 2 years of being in a friendship and roommate agreement …he betrayed me so easily. I don't want you to betray me, Penny. I…I don't want you to ... **hurt** me, Penny. Apparently, best friends do that…"_

"_**No!** Only the fake kind of best friends do that, Sheldon. Real best friends don't tear down: real best friends build up and ask where to hide the body."_

"_Hofstadter is a defective model of best friend, then?"_

"_Right now, he's just defective all the way down the line. I'm not, though. Sheldon, sometimes we're gonna fight and sometimes I may yell at you and even hit you a couple of times but you really are my best friend and I would never, ever, **ever** hurt you like they did. It's just wrong. Even I know that. I may not have a bunch of letters before or after my name but...god, how the hell can he justify doing what he did? It's not right or fair or anything good!"_

"_Agreed but…Penny, I believe that I am partially at fault for their treachery. You know how I behave if my routine or my work is disturbed. While in the Arctic, both things happened over an extended period of time and I theorize that it, plus the utter barrenness of the environment caused Hofstadter, Wolowitz, and Koothrappali to…I believe the slang term is to snap?"_

"_I don't give a rat's ass if you were acting like the antichrist himself, Sheldon! A revenge prank is one thing but dicking around with someone's life dream is a whole other slab of rotten beef!"_

"_You are rapidly regressing into your violent cornhusker roots, Penny. I should alert the local weapons sales people post haste."_

"_Only because you've managed to come up with a Bazinga during this whole steaming pile of suck is why I'm not gonna hit you for that crack, MoonPie."_

"_It wasn't a Bazinga, Penny and only my MeeMaw calls me MoonPie…"_

"Penny for 'em, String Bean?"

"My thoughts are worth far more than a penny, G.J. And don't refer to me as String Bean."

His brother snorted and leveraged himself into the hay loft below him. Just as he did when they were children, Sheldon was stretched out over a beam, his right arm dangling over the edge. The beam was one of the few high places on Earth that he had no fear of because the depth of hay and the old quilt kept up there would cushion any impacts. His childhood tendency to nap and fall from up there proved that. He had on an electric green thermal underneath his Flash t-shirt but his plaid or khaki slacks had been replaced by the dark wash jeans needed for various chores about the farm. His black farm boots hung from their laces on a nearby hook and he could see dust particles slowly settling on the white of his socks.

Instead of fretting about pathogens (he had already started a cautionary string of antibiotics), he took comfort from the simplicity and beauty of the sight…just like Penny…

"You're thinking about your girl, ain't you? Your Penny?"

"Penny is not an object to be claimed, she is a person. And yes, I was thinking of her because I was thinking of the way she helped me vacate 4A with you and Missy."

"Of all your Pasadena people, she's the best of the bunch."

"Agreed."

"I still can't believe you helped those bastards keep their jobs, Shelley."

"As I mentioned to Penny, I am not a complete innocent in the situation. Plus, the idea of them having to start from the ground up in building trust and credibility in their lives is very appealing to my sense of justice. My career should not be the only one damaged and my personal life should not be the only one ruined. Penny assured me that she would commit bestiality with a rabid pig before she let Hofstadter touch her again and Bernadette was very incensed with Wolowitz. Penny's last email told me that she had terminated their relationship agreement in the middle of a frozen yogurt shop via a mango tango smoothie to the groin area."

"Whoo, boy! Sounds like my type of girl!"

"I'm sure Missy could get her contact information to you from Penny if you ask."

"You should ask her during your love emails."

"They are not love emails. They are emails to ascertain the well being of my stored possessions and for updates on the ongoing chastisement of my former friends.", he corrected with a slight twang.

"If you gotta tell yourself that so you can sleep at night…"

"My REM cycles have stabilized, G.J."

"Christ, Sheldon! You know what I mean!"

"I most certainly do not and don't let mother hear you take the Good Lord's name in vain or she may make you swallow a teaspoon of Tabasco like she did when we were children."

"I'm a grown man. I'm not scared of Momma, anymore!"

"You sit on a throne of lies. Penny and I are just best friends. Nothing more and nothing less."

But, could they be more?

The idea was…pleasant to behold.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: This is turning out to be really fun. I'm always nervous when I branch off into a new fandom but the support for the story is staggering in an awesome way. Now, that I've managed to successfully get into Sheldon's head, it's time to tackle Penny's. This story is going mainly be told in Leonard's, Sheldon's, and Penny's POVs but I may go to other people when appropriate. This is set 2 weeks after the DVD delivery and I hope you guys enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

_**I'm still with my family in Texas. All of them are in good health. G.J. is contemplating a trip down to Rio de Janeiro and despite the numerous risks to my person I am strongly considering accompanying him, if not just to keep him from getting arrested down there. He claims that a "pretty Brazilian little thing" will break me right out of my morose state but I replied that I already had you to cheer me up and you are very aesthetically pleasing, despite your Nebraskan heritage.**_

_**I'm unsure as to why but after my statement, my mother and Missy both hugged me and hit G.J. over the head in what I believe is called a "Gibbs slap". When I have a solid hypothesis as to why, I'll gladly share it with you. I hope that you are in good health and strong spirit, Penny and I will email you again within 48 hours.**_

_**-Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper.**_

A soft smile curved her lips as she remembered the previous morning's email. She had lied when she said that she wasn't sure where he was. As soon as he let his siblings hug him without so much as a twitch, she knew he'd go home. Unlike the rest of the group, his family was actually normal and filled to the gills with love and accepting warmth. Galveston had just enough familiarity to start a new routine and logically (yes, she knew about logic, even before she knew about Mr. Spock…), she knew that Sheldon would piece himself back together much quicker. Plus, the further he was from his so-called "friends", the happier he'd be. Lord knew she was happier without the 3 wise men...

No more getting leered at. No more soft squeaks and drunken flirting. No more mommy issues, closet nerd issues, Napoleon issues, more issues than _**Playboy**_ and _**Nat Geo**_ combined…

Since Sheldon had granted her custody of his things, she used his XBOX for HALO on Wednesdays, still ate Thai food on Mondays, still did her laundry at 8:15 on the dot on Saturdays, and she still did her normal shift on Tuesday. The guys still tried to talk to her, include her in their plans (jaunts to the Comic Book store and the occasional bar), and Leonard kept looking at her with pleading puppy eyes but she wasn't biting.

Real best friends also don't fraternize with the enemy…and Leonard still made her want to spew. He had fooled her so good with his game. He was supposed to be different. He always said that he was and acted like it. He was supposed to be sweet and loyal, a good friend and person even with the Nerdy Stuff. And some of the Nerdy Stuff was pretty cool when she thought about it. Age of Conan, _**Star Trek: DS9**_, _**Iron Man**_ with RDJ, _**Firefly**_ with the hunky space cowboy…it was okay, certainly far from a deal breaker. Leonard obviously thought the world of her and he'd make a good boyfriend and maybe something more, she had figured.

The Arctic "Prank" changed everything. It had opened her eyes to his true colors and she had thrown herself into Sheldon's camp immediately.

_**She**_ had been the one to insist on telling Gablehauser everything. She had been the one to call his family. _**She**_ had been the one to wipe his first silent tears and assure him that he could still win a Nobel Prize, that his reputation was not permanently destroyed. _**She**_ had been the one suggest taking a break from his work and leaving Pasadena, permanently or not, it was up to him. It was his life to live and he shouldn't let anyone else try to ruin it anymore. Leonard and the other two had deliberately tried to not only destroy his career but his life's dream.

Penny hated dream killers. She hated dream killers more than cheating boyfriends and brussel sprouts combined. She had grown up with dream killers and had moved to California to get away from them. Once Leonard had become one with little to no remorse, it was over. Never again. Never, ever again…

"You wanted to talk to me, Penny?"

"Yeah. I want my key back."

Leonard's face fell instantly and she folded her arms across her chest in response. She knew that he was still holding out hope that they'd get together. She had heard him say in the hallway that he'd be willing to give her some time to calm down before trying again. To their credit, Raj and Howard told him point blank it was over but Leonard had dismissed them, saying that just because she had taken Sheldon's side in everything didn't mean that they couldn't still be together.

Yes, it did. And she wasn't sure if it was just because of the true best friend definition or more. It may be more than that but before she could figure it out, she had to pull anything personal with Leonard up by the roots.

"Penny…" he started but she held a hand up.

"I want my key back and I'm going to check for anymore cameras that Howard may have snuck in. Tell him that if I find any, I'll make sure that the Wolowitz line ends with him. Give me my key back. It's still on your ring, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but…"

"But, nothing. Either give me my key back or you're footing the bill to change my locks. I don't want you in my place without my permission and here's your key back. I don't need it anymore."

"What if there's an emergency?"

"There are other people living in this building, Leonard. Key. **Now**."

He finally handed it over and she turned away from him, moving towards the stairs…

"_Even when he's not here, he still ruins everything_…"

She stopped cold and turned around slowly, meeting his narrowed gaze.

"What the hell did you just say? I know you didn't just blame Sheldon for what _**you **_fucked up."

"It was just a stupid prank!" he insisted for the umpteenth time.

"It was stupid but it wasn't a prank, Leonard! And that's not why I don't want anything to do with you anymore! I don't want anything to do with you anymore because you're just as much of an asshole as Kurt or the other guys I dated! Hell, you're worse! At least they didn't spend 2 years acting all sweet and caring before letting it out!"

"Sheldon's not a saint, Penny!"

"I never said he was! _**He**_ never said he was! He's got nothing to do with this!"

"If that's true, then why are you letting his choice to cut me out affect you?"

"Because it's the right damned choice!"

Leonard's face twisted before falling again and she repeated her action from the auditorium, jabbing him with her finger for emphasis.

"It's the right damned choice. I'd rather be true friends with Sheldon than lovers with you any day of the week. No, he's not a saint but he's an honest person. A good person. Weird as all get out but good at the end of the day. Better than you, anyway. Leonard, you need to grow up and realize that just because your childhood sucked doesn't mean you get to tear everybody else down so you can feel better. Or think that I'm gonna be your hot blonde ego boost. It's called a shrink and I strongly suggest you get one before you piss the wrong person off and end up dead. Or you lose what and who you've got left."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Good afternoon, everyone. I'm glad last chapter was so well received. The only person's head I was more worried about getting into than Sheldon's was Penny's. I think there's a very good case of still waters run deep with her and I want to explore that while still staying true to her character. I guess her going Junior Rodeo on Leonard's appropriate.**

**We're back in his head again and since I don't like him one little bit, it's gonna be a little ugly. Raj is going to be redeemed for sure (he's my favorite after Sheldon) but I'm still not sure what to do with Howard. I know that I'm gonna keep him broken up with Bernadette and redeemable but everything else is up in the air. Ideas would be appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"Dude, maybe you should slow down a little…"

Leonard shot Raj a dark look and took another defiant pull from his bottle of Grey Goose, Penny's favorite. They were sitting on the new couch (a black leather sectional), watching the new TV (a 40 inch flat screen) and eating greasy Chinese food that the Great Sheldon would vomit at the sight at. 4A had no rules of conduct, anymore. He could sit where he wanted, eat what he wanted, display his _**Babylon 5**_ stuff, there were no jabs at his "inferior" field of physics, and it was Wednesday and there was no **HALO**ing in sight.

It was a dream come true…except that he didn't have Penny. After 2 fucking years of watching, waiting, dreaming, he still didn't have her. He had done everything to get back to her and had gotten nothing for his trouble. He had a stack of reprimands in his file and conditions to keep his job, including Leslie as a supervisor. He had pretty grad students glaring at him on the way to_** his**_ old office with their little tribute candles. Penny had been so determined to be with him and now, he had nothing but a returned key and an old hair scrunchie he had found on the kitchen counter. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. It wasn't kosher…

How could she have picked _**Sheldon**_ over him? The meat heads he could understand but Sheldon? Of all people…hell, _**Howard**_ would've been better than Sheldon. Howard would've screwed it up before a week and Penny would still be available for the taking. Sheldon wouldn't be like that. He was more possessive than a damned two year old and once Penny worked her magic on him (he didn't believe her for a second that it wasn't about Sheldon…), he'd never let her go. She'd be like one of his comics or his precious whiteboard: look but don't touch. Hell, don't even look!

"He's not gonna slow down until he has to get his stomach pumped. Getting cock blocked by Sheldon would drive anyone to drink." Howard pointed out between depressed swigs of his own booze.

Bernadette had done to Howard what Penny had done to him. She had condemned him as an asshole and swore that she'd never be with him again. Then, she had dumped an extra large mango tango smoothie on his lap before walking away. He had heard her go to Penny's and they stayed up giggling, talking, and completely unaffected by the hearts they had broken…

"He wasn't cock blocked by Sheldon. He was cock blocked by his own actions. Actions that we helped him do and actions that we all have to pay for. No amount of drinking will undo what we did and I think that even now, we got off lightly."

"Lightly? How the fuck did we get off lightly?" Howard demanded, making Leonard nod in agreement.

"We still have jobs, Howard. And there are thousands of other women in California alone. Penny and Bernadette aren't the only fish in the sea." Raj pointed out calmly while finishing the last of his only beer. What did he know? He couldn't even think of talking to a woman without being blitzed first. Raj didn't have any idea what kind of pain they were in, the pain Leonard had but no one cared about. No. Once again, it was all about _**Sheldon**_…

"Yeah, you're right…but I still miss Bernie. A really fucking lot…"

"I know you do but you're gonna have to let her go. And Leonard, you've got to do the same with Penny."

"Why? So, Sheldon can have her like he gets everything else?"

"No, because she doesn't want you anymore. Sheldon doesn't have anything to do with it."

He threw the empty bottle towards Sheldon's old room, shattering against the door. Sheldon had everything to do with it. Why couldn't they see it?

"She took his side! She's taking care of his stuff! She won't tell anyone where he is! She made me give her the fucking spare key back! She didn't make Sheldon do that! Even after everything we've been through, she just threw me and you two away for Sheldon fucking Lee Cooper! And she's gonna go find him and bring him home and fuck him and maybe even make a bunch of damned benevolent dictators with him! Their babies will take over the damned world and I'll be all fucking alone and miserable! Of course he's got something to do with..."

He ducked as Howard's empty bottle flew towards his head and shattered against his framed _**Empire Strikes Back **_poster. He stood up on wobbly legs and once again, someone was jabbing a damned finger into his chest.

"And like Raj said, it's your own fucking fault, dude! You know, all of you always say how much of a nasty, immature prick I am but look at you! You're getting wasted and pouting over a woman who never promised you a goddamned thing and conveniently forgetting that the guy you're so fucking jealous of's heart and spirit broken because his best friend, namely _**you,**_ stabbed him in the fucking back! What we helped you do damned near ruined his career and his life so if wants to get with Penny and make some fucking dictators, benevolent or not, then okay! I think that it's a good idea! I mean, yeah…it's Sheldon and Penny and it's weird but…I gotta say it: better Sheldon than you! All you care about is her T&A! Once Sheldon learns how, I'll bet he'll care about all of her, including her T&A! Face it, man! You know damned well that once you fucked her, you would've gotten bored and tossed her aside for the nearest hot chick that said yes! Now, I actually loved Bernie! I loved her a whole fucking lot and I deserve to get as wasted as I want to for fucking it up! But, you never loved Penny! You just wanted to be able to show her off to the dudes at ComicCon and around town say that you were hitting that! She deserves better than that! Any person deserves better than that!"

"So, you're taking Sheldon's side too, huh? Fine! Just get out, then! Both of you!"

"If I walk out, I ain't coming back, Hofstadter!"

"Fine by me, Wolowitz! Raj, are you staying?"

"No. Leonard… you can talk to me when you've got your common sense back and not a damned second before. Come on, dude. We better go hail a cab."

The door slammed behind them and Leonard plopped back onto the couch, removing his glasses before pinching his nose between index and forefinger. Why did he just do that? He knew Howard and Raj were right. Hell, he knew that Penny was right but he just let his mouth run wild. Now, he really had no one left. He had gotten his father's voice mail, his siblings were abroad. His mother had been coolly disapproving of his actions, immediately taking Sheldon's side in the name of "academic integrity'. Penny was gone to bigger, better things and now, he was down 3 friends in less than a year. His colleagues didn't trust him and everything…everything just sucked…

"…_it's called a shrink and I strongly suggest you get one before you piss the wrong person off and end up dead. Or you lose what and who you've got left…_"

He'd start looking for one in the morning.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Good afternoon, everyone. I really do wish there was a delete forever button for Leonard too but alas, no. As I've mentioned in my other fandoms, I have a rule about not killing off major characters, no matter how much I don't like them. I'm more of a psychological torture sort of rage writer and Leonard will definitely go through some more mental hell, especially after Sheldon and Penny eventually return to Pasadena together. **

**Speaking of ships, I've always liked the idea of Raj and Missy hooking up and Bernadette's gonna be meeting Sheldon's brother. What they do together is up to them. Well, me. You get what I mean. But, yeah the ship of Howard and Bernadette's got a fork in it, it's done. Since I've decided to redeem Howard too (I actually like the little perv….), he'll get a girlfriend too. Probably an OC as sick (and short) as he is.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

…**_they got in a HUGE fight. Howard and Raj walked (staggered drunkenly) out of 4A last Wednesday and I haven't seen them since. I think Leonard managed to piss them off too finally. FYI: They're really, really, _really_ sorry for that whole mess in the Arctic. Howard and Raj, that is. I think Leonard's still determined to be the 'good guy' in the situation, even though we all know he's just as much as an asshole as they (and sorry but you…) were too. I made him give me back my key and I gave him mine, too, which caused our fight (I told him to go get a shrink ASAP) which led to their fight later. I guess I'll have to steal my milk from the gas station like normal delinquents. Or…I could actually save enough money to get my own damned milk instead of those awesome new ruby slippers I saw at Macy's…_**

**_Speaking of money, _I HAVE A NEW PART!_ And before you say it, no: I am _NOT_ singing. I only sing in the shower, now or to annoy you. It's a local production of _The Odyssey_ and they made me Queen Penelope. I know, right? Definitely an upgrade from hocking hemorrhoid cream! Of course, I've always been a Queen but now, it's in a paper program instead of just in Age of Conan. Do you still play AoC? I'd love to blast a few hobbits into oblivion with you, Sheldor. It'll be like destroying Leonard only without the whole prison thing afterwards. Just a thought…okay, it's a demand. Thursday night at 8:15, you log on and find me, damn it! *pouts*_**

_**Anyway, I've been reading the story (and watching the TV movie on loop) and I really like it. She stayed loyal to her husband through all sorts of hell and I can get with that. I'm kinda like that with you, only we're not married and you're not a cursed soldier/king thrown to the ends of the Earth. And your parents weren't mean enough to name you Odysseus. I'll tell Bernie about your brother's interest and do your best to give Missy and your mom a hug from me. I've got some crazy long shifts coming up but I'll be sure to write you before the weekend. I promise.**_

_**I really miss you, Sheldon.**_

_**Love, Queen Penelope Rosemary Oaks the First…and Only. :D**_

He immediately added the appointment date to his phone and saved the email to his twice encrypted files. Sheldon couldn't help but agree with her. Her role was leaps and bounds away from hocking hemorrhoid cream and she was certainly worthy of her role. Her loyalty and… beauty were on par with the mythic queen's and the idea of being her Odysseus was very appealing. Standing up, he crossed to his whiteboard and started writing, his mind dwelling on her as always.

He had taken the shortest route home from the Arctic and thanks to a liberal amount of money (and genuine tears) had made it so the 3 Wise Men, as Penny called his former friends had to take the longest, most convoluted way home. Her loyalty had served as a healing balm and a motivation to keep going during those first dark days. By the time he departed for Galveston, he was bolstered by the fact that even if he had no one else, even if his career stayed destroyed, he would have Penny in his corner.

Sheldon wanted Penny. He realized and accepted that, now. But his was a different sort of want. Hofstadter had wanted Penny's body and the social status awarded to those dating "hot" women. Sheldon just wanted Penny. Even if she lost her physical attributes, he would still want her. Although she didn't have a doctorate or even a community college degree, her wisdom and warmth when dealing with people was a great asset. He could keep her grounded in reality and she could help him navigate said reality without being pantsed, yelled at or punched every 5 seconds. And…well, she made him happy.

Plus, she was the only person in the world (that wasn't related to him) that wasn't afraid to argue with him, even when she was blatantly wrong. A strong willed woman made for a better mate in the long run. Not to mention the fine set of child bearing hips she had…

His Vulcan hearing picked up the rapidly approaching footfalls and he put his marker down just in time for both Missy and G.J. to jump on him. Sheldon yelped and started fending them off as best he could with a pillow but eventually ended up shielding his head as Missy brutally tickle attacked him. G.J. was howling with mirth nearby and Sheldon lashed out with a kick to the ankles, toppling him like a red oak. Unfortunately, his brother had landed on top of him so now, he couldn't breathe very well.

"What on Earth? Melissa, George, you git offa your brother right now!", Mary Cooper demanded as she stood in his bedroom doorway.

"You told us to make sure he was okay, mama." Missy pointed out with an unrepentant shrug.

"All you hadta do was ask, Missy! I'm fine! Just working on somethin'!" he snapped at her.

"I'll say." G.J. remarked. "Shelley, you can't put warm, gooey feelings into math. You just gotta feel it and go along with it."

He frowned and looked at his board. Oh. Two variables S.L.C and P.R.O, solve for X. X = love. Love? What subconscious Sarlacc pit had _**that**_ come from? He read various significant dates between them (their first meeting, her glorious Saturnalia gift, their prank war…) and even the beginnings of a pro/con list, with pros beating the cons two to one.

"I didn't even realize I was trying to. I was just writing. And feelings are not warm nor are they gooey. They are simply…"

His mother put her hands on her hips and he looked at her questioningly.

"I don't want to hear you try to science your way out of having feelings for your Penny, Sheldon."

"I'm not. I've already accepted that I have feelings for Penny. I'm trying to figure out the depth and a solution as to dealing with them. Missy, what on Earth are you doing? That's my laptop and…"

"I know it's your laptop and I'm inviting your girl down here so she can help you figure out your 'solution'."

"_**What?**_"

'That's a wonderful idea, Missy!" his mother enthused.

"Tell her to bring her Bernadette friend, too! I wanna meet her. After dealing with Rabbi Pervert, she needs a good ol' Texan boy to turn her life around."

"Now, see here…"

"Okey-dokey. Maybe she could bring that Rajesh guy down here, too. From what I remember, he's only an asshole around Leonard so once I can get him talking, we might be able to do some…exploring."

"There will be no fornicating in this house, Melissa Rose."

"I know, mama. That's why I'll take him to my place for the fornicating."

Sheldon stood up and yanked his laptop away from Missy, holding it right above his head.

"Penny cannot come down here."

"Why? Don't you miss her?"

"Of _**course**_ I do but…I…where would she stay?"

"It looks like you've got plenty of bed here, bro."

"I don't want to share a bed with Penny!"

"What did you say to me a few days ago? You sit on a throne of lies?" G.J. wheedled, making his cheeks flare carmine.

"Correction: I don't want to share a bed with Penny until we re-evaluate our relationship paradigm."

"Well, I already sent the email so…"

Sheldon sighed and put the laptop down on his desk, looking towards his board again. He had to admit that he was stuck. The emotions he was feeling were far beyond his ability to understand and normally, he would ask Hofstadter for clarification. Since that was no longer an option, the prudent thing to do would be to turn to his next confidant, which just so happened to be Penny. Well, actually, he **_could_** contact Beverly Hofstadter but she may inform her son to his whereabouts and he really did not want to be bothered with the man anymore.

He was certain that if Hofstadter got within his reach, then Hobbit Destroying would become live-action instead in the realm of Age of Conan. And he _**did**_ miss Penny. Quite a bit, when he thought about it so…

"Very well. Of course we'll have to figure out the logistics of her staying here with guests but…okay."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: And now the story can really begin. This here is gonna start the prep for the trip and will be a split POV chapter between Penny and Raj. Leonard and Howard will have a small cameo and Leonard's still gonna be a douche. Fair warning. Enjoy the update.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

_**Hey, girl! Heard about your new role on your FaceBook and you've got the whole Lee Cooper clan pulling for you. Queen Penelope, indeed! Hell, yeah! Congratulations! :D**_

_**Listen, I wanna invite you down to Galveston to hang out for a couple of weeks and to see Shelley. He misses the shit out of you (even if he won't admit it and you know he won't…) and we all know that if it was left up to him, you wouldn't be down here until after the 2012 Apocalypse. That is, if things don't go Apocalyptic. It could totally happen and I'm ready for it if it does. I'm not like Shelley or god forbid, G.J. (he's a frickin' nut! Worse than Shelley. No bullshit…) but still, better prepared than annihilated…**_

**_Anyway, G.J. wants to meet your Bernadette friend and I really want to see Rajesh again. I know that he was one of the _3 Wise Men_ (love that to pieces, BTW!) but I remember him bein' real sweet, even with the mime kick he's got. Plus, I think most of his assholery's because of the Hofstadter Troll so I think it would be good for him to get away from him (and Rabbi Pervert) for a while. Call/text/smoke screen with an answer after you get this._**

**_I really hope you can come down (say yes…_DO IT_.) and I can't wait to see you again. Soon. Because you are coming down here. For real. You are. You don't have a choice in the matter. If you don't come on your own, I'm coming there Texan style to Penny-nap you and then I'd end up in jail for assaulting the fuckers who hurt Shelley. Aw, shit. Gotta go. On Sheldon's laptop and my diversion's about to run out of steam…_**

_**PS: BRING YOUR ROYAL NEBRASKAN ASS DOWN HERE ASAP! :D Love ya!**_

_**-Melissa "Missy" Rose Lee Cooper**_

"Penny, your check engine light is off!"

"I know! Isn't it great? I took it to the mechanic, shoved half my savings at him and told him to have at it. He even unjammed the CD player!"

Bernadette giggled at her enthusiasm and she sighed softly, glancing at the backseat and the sea of shopping bags. Missy's email had been very welcome and she had been on the phone before she was halfway through. They'd leave at the end of her Tuesday shift and be there by Thursday afternoon, sooner if she didn't stop. She had called Bernadette, who had texted Raj, and the two of them had met at the mechanics for a Girls Day at the Mall. They had systemically attacked DSW, JCPenney's before spending an extended time in Victoria's Secret. The last one had been Bernie's idea. Now that she and Howard were over, she was determined to find herself a guy that was semi-normal and she wanted to feel sexy again. What better way to do it than with a new pair of lacy undies? And then when she had mentioned picking up something for Sheldon to look at, Penny had nearly swallowed her tongue. She had found a skimpy black tank/panty set with the Flash logo all over it but still...

She had feelings for Sheldon. They were like the feelings for Leonard but much bigger. With Leonard, she had glossed over his flaws to cultivate the emotions. With Sheldon, she just wanted him. Flaws and all, in all his crazy (_**not **_crazy, his mother had him tested…) whack-a-doodled, overly scheduled glory, she wanted him. He was honest with her, he was kind to her in his own way, he had altered his routine to accommodate her and well, he was cute. He wasn't a beefcake but he was far from scrawny, more like a swimmer than a linebacker. He had piano player hands, big baby blues, and a beautiful, genuine smile. And he was tall. If she could break past his barriers, she could fit under his arm and on his lap with room to spare.

The idea of sitting and doing other things on his lap made her feel a little faint. If she felt faint, he'd probably have an aneurysm on the spot at the thought of engaging in "coitus" with her. Or would he? Like she had said to Leonard in the auditorium, the book they had written on Sheldon Lee Cooper was wrong. Maybe it wasn't the coi…_**sex **_itself that repulsed him but perhaps the idea of exchanging all the germs and deep emotions with the wrong person. Penny could certainly understand his reasoning, then but she had to know if her idea was right.

Going down to Texas would solve a lot of unsolved questions, namely: If by some utter miracle that Sheldon returned her growing feelings, could they make it work? She hoped they could. She really, really did…

"Thinking about Sheldon?"

"Yeah."

"You really miss him, don't you?"

"Yeah. I can't wait to see him again. I just hope he's not as sad as he was before."

"Even if he is, I'm pretty sure that you could fix it."

_**/**_

"_**You're going out of town with Penny?**_"

Raj looked at Leonard with flat eyes and nodded curtly, getting back to his cafeteria food. Howard just rolled his eyes and opened his latest Superman comic pointedly. Since the Showdown at 4A, he and Howard had severed all non-professional contact with Leonard. He was glad that Howard had wised up to reality or he would've done the same to him. Although he had been angry and desperate to get away from the Arctic and Sheldon, he had strongly disagreed with the "prank".

Yet, Raj was a follower. He had always been a follower and very non-confrontational. He had gone along with the prank, despite the dervish music blaring of his conscience and it had rightfully backfired. The Gods didn't like traitors or weak ones. If Sheldon hadn't reacted to punish them all now, then They would've handled it, reincarnating him as a mule or a mole in an old lady's cleavage. Unlike Howard and Leonard, he had never shown anger or become defensive. They had done deep wrong. _**He**_ had done deep wrong and any punishment that the university or karma came up with, he would endure and learn from with grace.

Of the 3 of them, his sanctions were the weakest. His bare bones, remorseful honesty had restored much of the respect he had lost from Gablehauser and the others and now, although he had to be evaluated every month, he had his own office to work in. And with special permission, he set up YouTube videos from Sheldon's syllabus until a replacement instructor could be found. Until he apologized to Sheldon in person though, his conscience would continue to torment him. Thankfully, Bernadette's text gave him a golden opportunity for redemption

He would show Sheldon the same humility that he had shown the Powers that Be and hopefully, he would not only gain forgiveness but regain a friend.

"Penny invited me on a road trip with Bernadette and I'm going. And last time I checked, we are no longer friends until you get your common sense back so I don't why you're sitting here."

"Look, I was drunk and…"

"**In Vino Veritas. In wine, there is truth.** You made it clear that you're not going to take responsibility for anything that happened up there. But, I have and so has Howard for the most part and until you do, I don't want anything to do with you. And what Penny does isn't your concern, either or have you forgotten?"

"You **_can't_** go out of town with Penny!"

"Why not? It's not like she's your girlfriend or ex-anything and the last time I checked, my parents were over 3000 miles and a shark filled ocean away. I'll do whatever the hell I want and like I said, Bernadette is accompanying us. Do you have a problem with that, Howard? See, unlike Dr. Hofstadter here, you actually have a reason to be bothered…"

"I'm not gonna lie and say I'm not bothered but…if Bernie wants to be with you, then okay. At least you won't hurt her."

"I'm not interested in Bernadette, anymore. I'm going down there to see Missy."

"As in Lee Cooper? Sheldon's in Texas?" Leonard demanded.

"Where _**else**_ would he go? Unlike the rest of us, he's got a normal family and if my best friend and valued acquaintances made me take it dry like we did to him, I'd go home, too.", Howard cut in sagely. "Tell Sheldon I'm sorry, okay?"

"I will. Leonard, you're going to have to apologize on your own."

"I'm not apologizing for anything! He and everyone else are just overreacting! It was just a stupid prank, not the end of the world!"

Howard looked at Leonard and said flatly, "You're a fucking dick." before stalking out of the cafeteria.

"Penny is right. You **_do_** need a shrink. Or maybe you just need a swift, deep kick in the balls. Whatever comes first. Good-bye, Dr. Hofstadter."

Giving into the petty urge, Raj picked up a nearby carton of milk and poured it right onto Leonard's food. Meeting his indignant gaze, Raj smiled warmly and made his own retreat, absorbing the scattered applause.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: And now back into the brain of the bastard. Leonard may very well have redeeming qualities but it's gonna be a long time if ever that I'll write them in. I have rejoined DeviantArt (AniseFlowerCMW2) and it's my homepage now. Until I get a decent scanner/ digital camera, I can't put any of my artwork up but the site's gonna serve as a back up archive for my fanfic, starting with my completed oneshots. I'll try to start posting there by the weekend. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"You really didn't have to drive me home."

"I know that but I'm your supervisor and the Powers that Be say that if you step out of line again, it'll be my ass in the line of fire. Plus, the fact that Malibu Barbie's run off to have little dumbasses has _**got**_ to sting. I wanted to see it live."

"She hasn't left yet and just because she's going off to find Sheldon doesn't mean that they're gonna make babies."

"Keep telling yourself that, Hofstadter."

Leonard made to retort but the words died in his throat as he took in the scene outside the building. There were tables of shoes, clothes, and all of Penny's furniture sans her laptop. There was also a crate of books next to a box of stuffed animals. A purple sign with white letters read 'Moving Sale- No reasonable offers rejected!' Penny sat on a Hello Kitty comforter in the center of the organized chaos, idly counting an already impressive amount of cash. To his surprise, she had on a t-shirt with all the DC Comic logos on it and a pair of cargo pants. Since when did she own anything like that? What the hell was going on, now?

"Get evicted again?" Leslie greeted caustically, making her roll her eyes.

"Actually, no. I'm moving out and I've already put the stuff I want to keep in storage. I wanted to make some extra cash for the road trip so I decided to have a moving sale. Why don't you take a look around, see what catches your eye? Books and knickknacks are 2 for 2. Shoes and clothes are buy two, get one free and if you stick around long enough, there's gonna be a bidding war on my entertainment center. Not to mention my old NKOTB posters…"

"Why are you moving out, Penny?" Leonard cut in desperately, his heart breaking even more than before.

"I want to get a place closer to the Cheesecake Factory and the theater I'm working at, now. They've offered me a permanent spot in their troupe and I said yes. After we do **The Odyssey**, we're gonna start doing Shakespeare stuff. Plus, I'm not coming back without Sheldon and he's made it pretty damn clear that he doesn't want to share a hemisphere with you, much less an apartment building.", she replied sweetly, capping the coffee can of cash.

"I guess Dumbass isn't so dumb, after all! How much for the big monkey?" Leslie called as she held up King Kong from the animal bin.

"How much are you offering?"

"$3.50 for it and the banana phone."

"I'll throw in the Peanut Butter Jelly Time banana shirt for an extra buck-fifty."

"Deal."

Leonard's jaw dropped as Winkle gave the monkey a happy squeeze and headed towards the shoe tables. Penny had lied to him. She said that everything she was doing had nothing to do with the Great Sheldon but here she was, selling her stuff and moving away because of him. She had gotten her car fixed and he had seen a couple of bags from Victoria's Secret when she had come home from pre-Texas shopping. Unbelievable. How could she? How could she choose Sheldon over him? Why? It wasn't fair. He saw her first and brought her into their lives. He had opened the door for her to go from meat heads to smart guys. He had been kind to her, listened to her as best he could, and had even gotten pantsed for her. He had done all the work and now, Sheldon was about to reap the rewards!

"I can't believe you're doing this to me!"

"Doing what? Moving out, growing up and getting somewhat of a real job? Daring to be happy without you? What am I doing, Leonard?"

"Sheldon! You're just sitting around here, making all sorts of plans for you and him when you're not even sure if he even wants you but you can't give me the time of day!"

"Are you serious right now? I mean, really? Look, Leonard, I'm sorry if you're hurting but I've made it clear that I don't want you like that anymore. You are a jerk. I don't want to date jerks anymore, with or without PhDs. Do I want Sheldon? Hells, yeah. I don't know exactly why but I really frackin' do and I'm going for it, whether you or anyone else likes it or not. But, even if he doesn't want me back, at the end of the day, I do not want to be with _**you**_. Ever. Not in this life, the next life, or in any other alternate, stringy twisty universes derping around out there. What you did in the Arctic completely 86'd any chance of you and me. Live with it! Now, are you gonna buy something or are you just gonna stand there because there's a standing fee."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Good morning. And now, it's time for Penny's arrival. Afterwards, there's going to be a formal reconciliation between Sheldon and Raj. After all, Raj has always been the sensible, quiet one of the group (from what I've seen so far) and the one with the most emotional maturity. At least when he's not drunk or high or something like that. Leonard will definitely continue to be put through the wringer and I hope you guys enjoy the update.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"Shelley, calm your tits. It's just your girl, not the president."

"I do not have tits to calm, G.J. and Penny is not my girl. She is an independent individual and very much a woman."

"Ain't that the truth. I saw the picture you have of her in a Wonder Woman getup…" G.J. mused appreciatively.

"Her portrayal of Diana Prince as a blonde was inaccurate and I thought you were interested in Bernadette. If that's true, then why are you cyber oglin' my girl?"

"Aha! You said it!"

"It was a Freudian slip." he volleyed back flatly, even as his cheeks took on a pink tinge.

"Penny and Shelley, sittin' in a tree…"

Sheldon felt a surge of grim satisfaction as his mother's hand cut off the inane childhood rhyme and he continued taking a lint roller to the throw pillows. Missy sat quietly in the back window seat, nursing a mug of MeeMaw's special tea. It was a blend of black, green, and chamomile with lots of honey. It would cure any chest infection you had and was soothing to one's frayed nerves. Well, at least Missy's frayed nerves. Not his, not even after 3 mugs…

Ever since Penny's enthusiastic acceptance of Missy's invitation, Sheldon had been a cleaning, planning fiend. Penny and Bernadette would be in Missy's room and Raj would double up with GJ. He planned on showing her the library, the high school, the weeping willow on the 3rd acre of the farm, and the swimming hole where his father had forced him (literally kicking and screaming) to learn how to swim. He had also picked up a new copy of **The Odyssey **for himself, as well as **The Iliad** for her. A little more backstory would help her upcoming performances immensely. He even planned to cook for her, his specialty of barbeque chicken alfredo with spinach salad on the side…

Most of all, he planned on discussing his latest conundrum with her. S.L.C and P.R.O, solve for X. X = love. He had continued filling out their board and he was no closer to solving X than when he started. Since Penny was the second (and most important) variable to the equation, perhaps she would be able to provide insight. Or maybe she'd just kiss him or vice versa if she permitted it. That wouldn't be a negative outcome. Of course, there were still plenty of pathogens and diseases out there but Penny would certainly be worth the risk of being quarantined like Typhoid Mary…

A gentle hand stopped his wrist's motions and he looked up into her verdant gaze. Penny. Penny was here. She had come to Galveston to see him. She had missed him and had decided to do something about it. She had gotten her car fixed at long last and even moved out of 4B (Missy had shared that information with a Cheshire smile…), just because she knew that he would not want to be bothered with Hofstadter if…_**when**_ she convinced him to return to Pasadena. She had on a pair of black cut offs and a red tank with yellow trim, just like The Flash's colors and her sandals had already been kicked into the shoe basket…

"If I hug you, will you freak out?"

Mutely, he shook his head and tentatively opened his arms as he stood up. Penny entered them with a smile and he got a face full jasmine scented blonde locks. With shaking hands, he spanned her small waist with his hands and held on tightly.

Penny was here. Penny had come to him. Penny was by his side.

His mother's God willing, Penny would stay by his side.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: And the beat goes on. My sincere apologies, ladies and gents (if there are any gents out there in FFN Land…) but I've been bitten by _The Avengers_ bug and I ship Black Widow and Hawkeye so hard that it's starting to scare me a bit. A fic for them is imminent. So, I had my own TBBT fan girl moment at the movies when I saw a little kid rocking the BAZINGA shirt and although I said nothing, a big, stupid grin remained on my face all through the torrent of previews I had sit through to get to the awesomeness. Hopefully they make the shirt in size "curvy, noodle loving black woman" because I so want it. Enjoy the update.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"I know that it's going to take forever for you to really forgive me, if you can at all but...here!" Raj rambled before putting a box on the table.

Penny watched as Sheldon carefully unwrapped Raj's gift box and started pulling out stuff. A Flash pocket protector, a bag from the comic book store full of the issues he hadn't been able to pick up, and the piece de resistance: a set of Flash colored plaid pajamas, complete with slippers. Sheldon's face didn't soften but his eyes did and Raj shifted uncomfortably in the recliner across from them. His gaze flicked to her nervously but he looked utterly determined to speak, which he did softly.

"I…I'm really sorry, Sheldon. So is Howard. We screwed you over hard and I want to thank you for the DVD. If you hadn't sent it, we would've been fired for sure. We deserved to get fired for sure but…it was nice not to be."

Sheldon swallowed once, twice and said in a small voice, "Apology accepted" before running outside like a spooked deer. Missy visibly softened and poured Raj a glass of sweet tea, offering it to him with a genuine smile.

"Now, that you apologized to Shelley and meant it, I don't have to piss in it like I planned to. You still got the selective mutism kick going?"

Raj nodded sheepishly.

"You still think I'm pretty?"

Raj nodded again, more emphatically and meeting her gaze steadily.

"You're not gonna act like a damned fool like before, are you? I'm pretty sure you did because of the negative influences of the Traitor Troll and Rabbi Pervert but I gotta be sure. If I'm gonna put in the work of getting you to talk to me, you can't turn out to be a damned fool in the end. Are you gonna turn out to be a damned fool in the end?"

"N-no. N-not on p-purpose, anyway."

"Well, all righty, then. C'mon, sugar. I'll help you unpack. Penny, he's in the hay loft."

Penny nodded and pulled on her old cowgirl boots. They were red and kickass, just like in _**Footloose **_and they had stayed intact through all sorts of mayhem. Junior rodeo, sneaking boys out the house, getting caught with Kurt, running away with Kurt, breaking up with Kurt…she had put them away after moving to 4B. She had put them away to close the door on the past and to head into the future as a successful, glamorous Hollywood star, Cali Girl Penny, if you will…

Well, Hollywood hadn't called her with a Johnny Depp smash and although Midwestern Penny was far from glamorous, she at least used the sense God had given her. Midwestern Penny would've branched out into more theater without singing in sight sooner. Midwestern Penny would've made the most of her dead end job and gotten way more tips. For every pair of shoes Midwestern Penny would've bought, she would've paid a bill or gotten non lumpy milk. Midwestern Penny would've seen the writing on the wall and followed it to a t instead of ignoring it, therefore avoiding the sheer, Oedipus issue ridden clusterfuck her pseudorelationship with Leonard turned out to be.

Midwestern Penny would've gotten her beloved lasso and chased Sheldon from the beginning, despite (and sometimes because of) all the whack-a-doodleness.

So, although Cali Girl Penny was still going to be around, she was definitely gonna get on her boots and stomp through mud, grass, and grit to get the life she wanted and deserved. Starting with her man…well, hopefully, her man.

As she walked through the kitchen (and past an intimately talking Bernie and G.J.), she answered Mary Cooper's kind smile and plucked a banana out of the bowl. The Texas heat was sultry but not oppressive and the sun felt exquisite on her skin. Not enough for tanning but certainly enough to help loosen her road trip ruined muscles.

Humming under her breath, she entered the clean barn and climbed the ladder to the upper level. Climbing up onto the barrel, she jumped and leveraged herself up into the hay loft. There were bales stacked neatly against the far wall but it was mostly mounds of harvest gold, the fresh scent making her smile. Crawling in fully, she sat down on a large plush patchwork quilt and looked around for Sheldon. A rustle up above made her look and meet slightly teary baby blues. He was stretched out over a beam, all lean muscle and multicolor layers.

"I hadn't expected an apology from any of them. I figured that they would continue on and treat it as a juvenile prank from the past."

"Leonard's the only one doing that and he's doing it by himself. Well, almost. Leslie's his supervisor."

A pause and then a breathy but genuine laugh.

"A fitting pair. A Troll and a Harpy. Has he attempted to engage her in 'pity coitus' yet?"

"Not that I know of but knowing Leonard, it's only a matter of time. Banana?"

"No, thank you. I was unaware that you owned a pair of red, kickass boots."

"You know _**Footloose**_?"

"Missy played one of the leading roles her senior year and played the soundtrack and movie constantly in order to immerse herself in her role. While I was here on Spring Break from Germany, I was able to memorize the movie against my conscious will."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: I had the day off today. Thank God. I needed it for my mental health and the fact that my monthly curse has me doubled over and whimpering into my pillows. My muses are sadistic, though so they want to play and nothing makes me feel better at times such as these like psychologically battering a character I hate. Good thing it's a Leonard POV chapter, huh? Enjoy the update.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

She had made it to Texas. Her FaceBook profile picture had changed from some muscle bound moron's abs to her sitting at a kitchen table. With Sheldon. It was a candid shot and they looked to be sharing a photo album. Penny was smiling and even though Sheldon's cheeks were dark pink, he was too. There was a growing new album on her page "Queen Penelope in Galveston 2009" and she had numerous posts shared by "Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper,B.S. M.S. M.A. Ph.D. Sc.D". He had tried to follow the tag link to his page but he was blocked. Of course he was blocked. The Great Sheldon had given him his last strike and he was out of the "game". But, Penny hadn't done it yet. Maybe she had forgotten to or maybe it was a sign that she'd forgive him eventually…

Leonard took another drink from his glass of soy milk and clicked on the album again, his laptop keys loud in the silence of 4A. Raj was with Penny in Texas and Howard had stayed firm to his drunken promise. He had seen him with Stuart in the parking lot, dressed to go out clubbing. He thought about calling Leslie (she was the only person on campus who would talk to him outside of professional matters, if not just to mock him) but he had decided that his Friday night would be better spent watching the Science Channel, eating Chinese food, and FaceBook stalking Penny. It was sad that it had come to this point but he missed her. He wasn't ready to give up on them being more than friends or friends with benefits. He shouldn't have to! Just because she had gone off to find Sheldon didn't mean that…

His stomach twisted as a video was loaded up via Missy Rose Lee Cooper's phone tagged ' at The Whiskey Barrel'. The thumbnail it was of a Penny in mid dance. She had on a canary yellow cap sleeved top that stopped right above her bellybutton, black cutoffs, and a pair of fire truck red Cowgirl boots. A dark gray Stetson was being held in a tilt against her cornsilk hair and she was grinning madly. Looking at her with scolding eyes but a genuine smile was Sheldon. He had on dark wash jeans, a black graphic tee with a lime green and orange dragon on the right side (the same colors of the striped thermal underneath), a dark gray vest, and solid black cowboy boots. The hat on Penny's head was obviously Sheldon's and Leonard clicked the play button.

Like the old iPod commercial, a group of people were line dancing to the Black Eyed Peas' "The Boogie that Be" and Penny had started alone. Well, Bernadette and a filled out Sheldon clone with wavy hair (his brother?) were nearby with a blushing Raj. Anyway, Missy was cheering them all on and right before Fergie's part, Penny lunged forward and yanked a protesting Sheldon into frame, stealing his hat as she pivoted to face him.

"…_a strike, Penelope!"_

"_Oh, just shut up and dance with me, MoonPie! I know you can dance!"_

"_You will pay for this later, woman!"_

And then they were dancing. Seriously dancing. Sheldon, who refused to dance or do anything remotely fun without being drunk first was dancing with a very happy Penny. Or_** Penelope**_, now. Penny had never let him call her by her full name. Of course, Leonard had never thought to try, yet another thing he regretted. They had left the line dancers at the end of the song and started free styling to a new one, Penny's back to his front. When she lifted her arms, Sheldon's hands slid around her waist with no hesitation and when she "dropped it low" with the lyrics, Sheldon did so with her like he had for years, causing hoots and hollers from the crowd. The video mercifully ended with Sheldon spinning her rapidly and then lowering her nearly to the floor in a deep dip, her right leg high in the air and brilliant grins lighting up both of their faces as the crowd applauded…

Stomach roiling, Leonard scrolled down the growing comment line, each one an additional drop kick in the teeth:

'Sumthin' u wanna share with the class, Penny? U and _**Dr. Triple Knock Pseudo-Hamburger**_? O.o Mind. Blown. To. Hell. Happy if u r, gf and better him than Midget Boy at least…'

'Work dat shit, gurl. Cute new BF! Total upgrade! ;D'

'YouTube royalty in da making! So cool! 2nd the cute new BF/upgrade comment!"

'I'm glad you and Sheldon r having fun. Say hi to Raj 4 me. –Captain Wolowitz-'

Midget boy? Penny's girlfriends knew him as 'Midget Boy'? They could've at least called him Dr. Midget Boy but…damn it all to hell! Slamming his laptop closed, Leonard replaced the soy milk with a can of beer and turned up…a documentary on the science of female orgasms? Great! And of course, the subject led to thoughts of Penny's orgasms, orgasms he had given her (in his dreams, his daydreams, the alternate universe where he kept his mouth shut about her daddy issues until after he finally got inside her...) the orgasms that she'd inevitably get from _**Sheldon**_, now…

T.G.I.F., his ass.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: So, the image of Sheldon dropping it low is certainly full of win and I'm really glad I didn't ax it like I thought about doing. I was all "Okay, that's _way_ OOC, even for this story" but I just thought of him and Penny on the floor and Leonard watching like a rightfully burned cyber creeper and it just stuck, not to mention the FaceBook thing just drove it home…**

**Anyway, we're back in Sheldon's head and it's time to get serious about establishing the main ship up in this piece. I'm already drafting the naked part (my favorite part of any story reading or writing) and it's already shaping up to be a doozy. Hopefully, not too doozyish for the newly puritanical FFN I've been hearing about around town. Man, if they start chucking people off of here for too much smut…ooh, good thing I've got my DeviantArt and Livejournal accounts. For reals.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

She was hugging him again.

Even though her jasmine scent had been tainted with tobacco and the bit of Grey Goose that the barkeep had found "jus' fer you, lil' lady", he had responded promptly and properly. No longer would he touching her be a cause of incredulity ("Leonard, look, Sheldon's_** hugging**_ me…") nor would he twitch and jerk around like a spastic marionette.

He was utterly determined to form a relationship agreement with Penelope Rosemary Oaks and what he wanted, he got or was very active in pursuing the goal, hence his quest for the Nobel. Plus, touching her was _**anything**_ but terrible…

"'M glad you danced with me. It was really fun." she enthused with sleepy, happy delirium.

"Although 'dropping it low' caused unpleasant twinges in my lower vertebrae, I enjoyed it too."

Penny broke the hug with a soft laugh and a yawn, her cowgirl boots safely in her hand as she went to Missy's room. He followed after her instinctively, noting that not only was Missy sprawled out on the air mattress but Raj was with her. They were thankfully clothed but Raj was the "big spoon" and holding onto her torso with near white knuckle intensity. Judging by the dreamy smile on his twin's face, she was certainly feeling no pain. Carefully, he picked up her discarded purple quilt and covered them, noting with satisfaction as they cocooned themselves.

Raj would be a most acceptable suitor for Missy. He would be sure to inform him of that in the morning…

Sheldon watched appreciatively through his lashes as Penny knelt at her main duffel and pulled out her toiletries. His mouth went bone dry as she pulled out a bag from Victoria's Secret, the shop and catalog that Wolowitz was obsessed with. His blood began to race as her purchase came into view, a modest but immodest black cotton tank and panty combination.

What intrigued him the most (other than the image of her nubile form in it) was the presence of The Flash logo decorating the material. Coupled with the way she consistently paired red and yellow together, knowing that it represented his favorite hero was a good sign. He had read someplace that the way a woman dressed and behaved around suitors indicated the amount of interest she had. Penny was "repping" his favorite hero, she met his gaze head on when he spoke to her, and she was very tactile. A hand on his back, tugging his wrist to get his attention, hugging…very, very good signs…

"I like your new pajamas, Penny."

"You do?"

"Yes. Not only do they support a high quality hero, I believe that they'll look very aesthetically pleasing on you."

_**And even better on my bedroom floor**…_ a deviant voice in his head supplied.

When her cheeks flared to a deep pink, he belatedly realized that Penny had a detrimental effect on what little filter there was between his brain and mouth.

Her normally open gaze took on an unreadable edge and he swallowed as she slowly crossed the distance between them. Her gait was a combination of a swagger and a sultry sway, utterly predatory. Unlike the other women who had taken on that sort of gait in his presence, Sheldon felt no fear or disgusted awe. Mortification was present but only because he shared what should've been kept in his mind. His mother and MeeMaw had always told him that "no woman wants to be seen as a slab of beef on a pole, Shelley" and that thought, no matter how true it was certainly counted as "slab of beef on a pole" material…

"Your bedroom floor?" she asked slowly, a soft near crazed smile curving her lips.

"Penny, I…"

Her hands went to his shoulders, pinning him right against Missy's framed Garth Brooks poster and he knew his eyes were comically wide.

"Penny, are you inebriated? Perhaps we could continue this discussion after you…_oh, Good Lord!_"

His voice had gone whispery, squeaky, and hoarse all at once. With a giggle, Penny did that accursed (blessed) thing with her hips again and his brain scrambled further as heat surged all the way down South…

"_**Homo Novocaine**_, my ass."

"It's _**Homo Novus **_and I…_for the love of bleedin' thorny Jesus, stop doin' that_…"

"Why?" she whined/cooed (whi-cooed?) "_**You**_ like it._** I**_ like it and_** no**_, I'm not wasted. You know what I'm like when I'm wasted, Sheldon. If I were wasted, I'd be some form of naked with a walking bad idea right now and you know it."

"_True. Penny, as I was sayin'…_**saying **before you decided to do…what you just did…is that I still consider myself to be _**Homo Novus**_ but an evolved form of it…"

"…like a Pokemon?"

"…interrupting is rude, Penelope…and…I have feelings for you. _Feelins that I don't know what to do wit!_ _Dammit, devil woman! Knock it off and listen to me!_"

Her verdant gaze lost its playful gleam but the serious intent was still there. Gently, he removed her hands and guided her out of his personal bubble. Deep breathing and images of Hofstadter and Wolowitz mid coital stamped out the fires in his groin and he looked at her rawly.

"I need you to assist me with an equation.", he declared.

Her jaw dropped and he suppressed the urge to roll his eyes as she huffed.

"_**Seriously?**_ Sheldon, what in the living _**hell**_ does one of your wacky equations have to do with…with whatever's between us?" she sputtered while gesticulating wildly at their forms.

"**_Everything!_**" he snarled before grabbing her arm and dragging her to his room. Penny's indignant words were cut off in a gasp as she took in the 3 boards that their equation took up. He watched warily as she read through the dark green words, her fingers stealing to the timeline he had written, the print outs of their "love emails", the lyrics to "Soft Kitty", the photo of the Leonard Nimoy napkin, a menu from The Cheesecake Factory, the receipt for the bathing products…

"It's like a ginormous scrapbook of Us, only on whiteboards instead of a cheap photo album from Wal-Mart. You…you made me a variable?" she asked shakily as she traced her initials.

"A very important variable. The most important variable in this universe and at least half of the alternates. Penny, I am a man of science but…I find that my feelings for you are much too overwhelming to cope with by myself. And that suppressing them is no longer a viable option. Although there is a distinct risk of my quest for the Nobel being delayed until my late 30s or even my 40s and the fact that what the world terms as love has turned some good people into monsters or sent them to an early grave, I find that the alternative course of being without you is completely unacceptable so I wish to formally ask for your hand in courtship and any other socially acceptable bond that you desire."

She turned and launched herself at him, sending them crashing into his dresser. Before he could even yelp, her lips were on his and once again, he responded promptly and properly. Her mouth was sweet and salty all at once, reminding him of his favorite chocolate coated pretzels. She was warm and soft and sweet smelling, heady to his senses. Her fingers were in his hair and her body language open and warm. Overall, actions spoke better than words and her actions showed a resounding acceptance of his improvised but heartfelt proposal…

"_**A-hem**_…"

Sheldon squeaked as his blue flannel robe clad mother came into focus in the doorway, a golf club in her hand, rollers in her hair, and a wry smile playing at her lips...

"I heard a godawful bang from in here and I thought it was some hoodlum lookin' to make trouble or another death ray explosion. Now, I just know it's my baby boy and his lady love lookin' to make me a long overdue and prayed for grandchild."

"Who's makin' you a grandchild, Momma? Oh. _**Ohhh**_…well all right, now! Go 'head, String Bean! Momma, I'm takin' Bernadette down to the swimming hole to look at the stars. We should be back before midnight." G.J. informed them all with a brilliant smile tugging at his lips.

"Have fun, Georgie and try and move a little slower than these two. Penny, dear? I think you should get on offa him for now. You mentioned that you wanted to get cleaned up before bed."

"I did. Um…Mrs. Cooper…"

"Mary, honey."

"Right. Um…it's…it's not just a fling or two atoms colliding in the night. Can atoms collide?"

Sheldon nodded dumbly, his body still thrumming from the impact and sheer Penny-ness.

"I…I really care about Sheldon and...and Sheldon cares about me. He said so and…look at all that. He made a whiteboard scrapbook and a whole equation just for us."

"I see, sugar and I know that Shelley means it when he says he cares. Lee Cooper men are downright awful at expressin' their feelings 9 times outta 10 but when they can…it's a doozy. Now, scoot. Go on and get ready for bed."

"Okay."

Penny pressed a quick kiss to his right cheek and hurried out the door, her hips swaying hypnotically in the process. Those hips were his kryptonite.

Hell…all of Penny was his kryptonite.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: And now the fun can really begin. I'm sorry for falling off a bit. There's an oppressive heat wave going on, keeping me confined to bed unless I'm at work. Also, I was backing up my fics in case I get Purged and then, my muses were attacked by _Fairly Legal_ Ben/Kate bunnies. I've taken on a what will be will be attitude towards FFN and if I get axed, I already 3 backup archives established. I'll be sure to provide the links on my profile soon. Enjoy the update.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

There was a warm hand on her back, moving up and down slowly, as if it was memorizing her. Snuffling, she could scent dry erase markers, baby powder, and Irish Spring. Sheldon. Her best friend, Sheldon. Her favorite Whack-a-doodle in the whole world Sheldon…

Her boyfriend Sheldon.

Penny yawned and turned over onto her back. Sheldon was sitting on the edge of the mattress, the pajama set from Raj slightly wrinkled from his slumber. His baby blues were soft and warm, riveted on her face. She sat up and was delighted when he took her hand of his own volition.

_I guess **my** germs are worth the risk…_

"Hi, sweetie."

"Good morning, Penny. Did you have a restful sleep?"

"Very. I had a good dream. You were in it."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh. I don't remember details but I remember you being in it."

He looked away and after a minute confessed shyly, "I had a good dream with you in it, too. We were…I'm not exactly sure where we were. Well, it was a sunny field of multiple species of wildflowers and we were sharing a portable whiteboard. Everything we wrote turned into butterflies and unfortunately I woke up just when you were about to kiss me."

"Oh. That's really sweet."

"We were also naked."

Sweet spice, then.

"Did I look good?" she asked impishly.

A more than a little naughty gleam entered his gaze and she swallowed dryly as his eyes roamed up and down her body. She was used to roaming eyes. They had been a fact of life since 7th grade but Sheldon's roaming eyes were different. Sure, there was an innocent form of lust in them but they remained soft, even as they became a darker shade of blue. He wasn't just looking at another hot blonde on the street. He was looking at her.

"You looked exquisite, Penelope." he informed her with a bit of honeyed twang. "You always do."

And then he kissed her. Morning breath, pre-every morning ritual he had (sans his morning appointment with the can…), he was kissing her good… and was that his tongue? Oh yes, it was. A very nice tongue, kinda shy but that could be worked with…

"Oh…aw, _**jeez.**_ I was hoping y'all would end up like that but could ya not do it where I can see you?"

Penny put her free hand on her hip and gave a sleepy Missy a quintessential sassy look. She had a Raj spooned up on her in a cotton nightie that barely reached her ass and she had the nerve to say something about them? What the hell? Okay…maybe it was a little weird. After all, her "asexual" twin had just gone from zero to first base (with a little bit of second…) with no hesitation and…okay, she had a point…

"We will endeavor not to offend your delicate sensibilities in the future. Need I remind you about the ban Mother put upon fornicatin' in the house, Melissa?" Sheldon returned fire with a perfectly raised Spock brow, leaning into her hand on his cheek.

"According to G.J., y'all are the ones who need remindin'. He woke me up outta a dead sleep to tell me you two were goin' at it like pigeons before Momma put the kibosh on it. I thought he was bullshittin' me until now. Penny, you hurt my brother and I'll break your face."

"If you hurt Raj, I'll break yours."

"Deal. Man, I gotta piss like a racehorse."

Turning as best she could, Missy faced Raj with a small smile and promptly confirmed that she really was Sheldon's sister.

Shake, shake, shake… "Rajesh?"

Shake, shake, shake… "Rajesh?"

Shake, shake, shake… "Rajesh?"

"Mmph?"

"Baby, I have to pee and I really don't wanna do it on you."

Raj grumbled under his breath and let her loose, turning onto his back groggily.

"…was I having an auditory hallucination or were Sheldon and Penny just totally making out a couple of minutes ago?"

"No, they really were."

"Oh. Howard owes me money."

And back into the clutches of Morpheus he went.

All Penny could do was laugh.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Good evening. And the hits just keep on coming. The heat wave that I (and over 50% of my country) had been trapped in has ended and the muses are slowly but surely awakening again. I've got so many ideas for this story and others going on in my head, it's slightly overwhelming, a little bit of Writer's Overload, if you will. On the bright side, the plot bunnies are invading my REM cycles (in the words of our favorite man with the board…) and some of my best writing happens from my dreams. Anyway, we're back to Leonard and his reaction to the established Shenny will be…enjoy the torture.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"I know that Malibu Barbie finally Iron Curtained you from FaceBook. Don't look at me like that. I friended her and Dr. Dumbass out of drunken pity for them as well as strategy for whatever the unholy hell we called ourselves doing back then. I never bothered to undo it so I saw. And I don't blame her a bit…but…it's better to hear it from me than from Kripke or the grapevine."

"Hear what? _**See**_ what?"

The acid roiling in his stomach was back with a vengeance as Leslie slid her black with banana stickered laptop into his work area. FaceBook. Penny's page. She had changed her profile picture again to a lotus flower. Right. She was in _**The Odyssey**_. She was going to be on stage but not singing, just straight acting. She was decent at straight acting. He knew that. The first rehearsals were next week at Sunburst Theater. Leonard had already memorized the schedule and picked a secluded enough seat to watch. Yeah, it was creepy. He knew it was but it was the closest he'd ever get to her again, at this rate…

The Album had some new pictures. More of the sights/ tourist traps of the road trip itself, Raj and Bernadette goofing off for the camera, a grinning Penny looking to be mid-head bang at the wheel, a 'Welcome to Galveston' sign, the outside of the Lee Cooper homestead (was it a homestead?), the inside of the Lee Cooper homestead (it looked like something out of a romantic comedy/drama from that guy who did _**The Notebook**_…), Raj and Sheldon's sister, Bernadette and Sheldon's Kurt-esque brother, Mary Cooper and her prayer circle, Sheldon and a petite woman who had to be his beloved MeeMaw, various places in Galveston…typical vacation photos with cheerfully funny captions. Nothing bad, nothing out of the ordinary…what was the big deal? Leslie closed the album and pointed to the latest status update silently.

Oh.

Oh. God.

The relationship status…20 words and letters that sent Leonard's heart into further bitter despair…

'**Queen Penelope "Penny" Rosemary Oaks I is in a relationship with Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, B.S. M.S. M.A. Ph.D. Sc.D'**

There were pictures to confirm the madness. Her former profile picture was first and it burned his chest so he quickly scrolled down. The next picture was of a professional looking folder with a clear cover. Inside it was a typed black and white cover page on top of at least 30 pages: **Oaks/Lee Cooper** **Relationship Agreement – Version 1.0. 6/14/2009.** There were some hand drawn doodles on it. Leonard spotted the Hello Kitty logo in pink and red, The Flash logo in (must be authentic at all times…) red and yellow, a rainbow colored lotus flower, the (oh so authentic…) blue TARDIS, and in green marker, in Sheldon's distinctive handwriting was an equation: **S.L.C and P.R.O, solve for X. X = love. **Wow. Just…wow…

Bile rose in his throat as he masochistically scrolled again, revealing 3 whiteboards with the equation and all sorts of Penny and Sheldon related things on them. So many things…so many things that Leonard had noticed but never thought to connect…why would he? It wasn't like it was possible…Penny and Sheldon? His cheesecake scented goddess and his OCD crazy roommate? Get real. No way in hell…

What would they be called now? Every "OTP" and "power couple" got to have a mash up of their names…Shenny. Leonard could already hear the crowing when Wolowitz declared it, see the approving nod from Raj, see the smug all powerful Sheldor the Conqueror smirk on_** his**_ face when he put his arm around a giggling Penny…

His world tilted and soon, he was looking into the depths of a brown paper bag.

"Hey. Hey, breathe! I'm not calling the paramedics just because you can't man up and accept the inevitable."

"_Inevitable?_" Leonard wheezed while looking at Leslie like she had grown a tail to match her devil horns.

"Uh, _**yeah**_. Dr. Dumbass and Malibu Barbie were always gonna hook up in the end. I could tell as soon as I watched them interact. It was like the rats in the mating lab, only bigger and with slightly higher brain functions. You were a placeholder and you could've stayed that way if you hadn't decided to play with a can opener instead being the decent scientist…and friend that you were supposed to be. But, you didn't. I say it's pretty balanced. You fucked up his work so now, he gets to fuck the one person who would've pitied you enough to reproduce with you without being drunk or desperate first. Congratulations."

"But…but I'm the good guy! I saw her first! I called dibs! They would've never met if it wasn't for _**me**_!" he sputtered, slamming his glasses on the work table in frustration.

"Then, that just makes you a placeholder _**and**_ a good matchmaker. And _**dibs?**_ Really? Look, I may call her a Barbie Doll but that doesn't mean that she is one and that doesn't mean she can be treated like property. Slavery ended over 300 years ago, Poindexter. Get with the program." Leslie sniffed disdainfully.

"You don't know anything about me and Penny! You don't know anything about love! You're nothing but a cold, heartless harpy!"

Winkle actually looked wounded but instead of yelling back she just closed her laptop and stood up, glaring at him icily in the doorway, unshed tears in her eyes.

"You don't know anything about it, either. If you loved your precious Penny even half as much as you claim to, you wouldn't so pissed off that she's happy with someone else, even if it _**is**_ Cooper. Real Love isn't about dibs or who saw who first. Real Love is about give and take and it's not selfish at all. You're being a selfish hateful little Troll and Barbie deserves better than that. Any human being does. Cooper may have to wear gloves and a mask just so he can finger fuck her but even I know that he'll treat her better than you could in any reality. Have a good day, Dr. Hofstadter."

And away she went, leaving him to his thoughts and with the images still burning his eyes, even as he screwed them shut stubbornly.

It wasn't fair.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: Looks like Leslie's gonna get an HEA OC, too. I don't know why but I can't help but humanize her when I write her. It's been in my experience that the bitchier the person is, the harder they feel and the more afraid they are of getting hurt, hence the venom they spit. Better to hurt others than be hurt. At least that was what happened with me. I don't know. I could be completely full of crap. Okay, so we have come to the end of the Galveston section and it's time for Sheldon and Penny to come home to their new life together. Enjoy the update.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"So, you want to come back to work here?"

"Yes. I know that I tendered my resignation but that was before my loved ones and true friends provided me with a new perspective on the situation. Although fleeing into anonymity would be the easy thing to do, it wouldn't be right. Not only it would be a resounding victory for my betrayers but it would be a large loss to the academic community. My mother always told me when I was a child that my knowledge was a God given gift that needed to be shared with others. While the very idea of religion is hokum to me now, her point still stands today. Plus, I don't want to be a yoo-hoo swigging, HALO playing hippie leeching off of his girlfriend's paychecks on the sofa. I need a job."

Dr. Eric Gablehauser blinked at those last statements. Cooper had a girlfriend? A relatively sane and capable girlfriend that he hadn't built or hadn't come down from the mothership? Wow. Deciding not to dwell on that, he focused on the much more important matter at hand. Caltech hadn't lost him, after all. What Wolowitz, Koothrappali, and Hofstadter had done to him was wrong on a moral and professional level and an absolute PR nightmare for the university.

The whole sordid story had gone viral like a bad rash and the brows were going up. If staff can do that to other staff members, what would they do to the students if their egos got bruised enough? Caltech was supposed to be a standard of excellence, not a high school pissing match. What was going on? What would be the punishments? Would Dr. Cooper come back to academia? Dubious choice in teammates aside, his ideas were sound and even innovative in places. A mind like that would be a terrible thing to waste…

But, wasted it wouldn't be. Gablehauser felt staggering relief at that. The next big name cut down on his watch would be a scarlet mark on his record. There was already one there for not firing the terrible trio, despite all the sanctions put upon them. No one held grudges like scientists. No one…

"Okay. When and how do you want to resume your duties?"

"Penelope and I are currently moving into our new place 3 blocks from campus so next Monday would be fine. Koothrappali has done an admirable job handling my classes so I would like him to keep doing that while I expend my energies on my work and the occasional lecture. Also, I absolutely refuse to work with Hofstadter in any way. Unless provoked, I will be civilized towards him since we will be co-workers again but I don't want him near any of my work at all. A repeat of the Arctic sabotage, especially now that I've in his view point "stolen his girl" would be inevitable and then I would have to kill him on sheer principle. Actually, no. I would just hogtie and bring him home as a present for Penelope. She's much more sadistic than I am."

The sight of an icy but beautiful smile on the younger man's face at the thought of his Penelope destroying someone was completely terrifying. The fact that Cooper had climbed off of his high horse enough to genuinely complement and elevate one of his co-workers was promising. Perhaps his "withdrawal" was just what the doctor needed to reprogram the man into an actual human being. Or maybe the power of love made him yield. Either way, Gablehauser had a good report to give to his superiors and a full teaching roster for the upcoming semester. It was all very copacetic.

"Noted. All right, you've got a deal. Welcome back to Caltech, Dr. Cooper."

"Thank you."

Shockingly, Cooper extended a non Purell doused hand for him to shake and the man's grip nearly crushed his fingers as he responded. After three solid shakes, Cooper let go and left as quietly as he arrived.

Oh, yeah. Definitely the power of love.

_**/**_

He caught the fist before it connected and twisted its owner into the wall like on the inaccurate but entertaining police procedurals that Penny preferred to watch. Hofstadter let a sound between a whine and a snarl and Sheldon pressed down hard against a pressure point on his arm. The crowded cafeteria and the vestibule went silent at the sight, making Sheldon shake his head in disgust. The probability of running into his former best friend had been high as soon as he arrived at 11AM for his meeting with Gablehauser but he had trusted that the man would use sense and not cause a scene, especially in his place of employment where he was already on thin ice.

In retrospect, he should've expected the opposite, especially coming from an experimental physicist.

"I'm going to let you go now but if you attempt to assault my person again, I will destroy your glasses and any chance of you contributing to the continuation of your family name. Have I made myself perfectly clear?"

Hofstadter lurched himself out of his grip (with a surprising bit of strength) and looked at him with a twisted, tomato red face.

"You fucking bastard! You stole Penny from me! You made my life a living hell for 7 years and then when I dared to try and be happy with her, you ruined it!"

The man tried to hit him again and this time, Sheldon ended up putting him on the tiled floor, his left boot (his standard shoes, now) pressing very firmly into his chest. He removed his foot after 42 seconds and yanked the smaller man to his feet, eliciting an odd squeaking noise from him as he used a forearm to restrain him against a pillar. He waited for now wary eyes to lock on him before speaking in a very soft, very calm tone. The tone had been perfected over the years by his MeeMaw and it never failed to strike guilt or fear into someone's heart. Sheldon was seeking and rapidly receiving the latter from his friend turned foe...

"Penelope is not an object to be claimed, Hofstadter. She is a person with her own mind that is capable of making her own decisions, which is yet another thing that you fail to understand. For your information: no one forced you to remain in 'a living hell' as you put it because you have two fully intact feet that could've walked you out of the door at anytime, roommate and friendship agreements be damned. You never followed them fully anyway. Furthermore, you sir, ruined your own dubious chances with Penelope by not only being a liar and a saboteur but by also refusing to see her worth beyond what is between her legs and below her neck. She deserves better than that. She certainly deserves better than you and now, she has it as long as she wants me. _**You**_ would've treated her as nothing more than a living version of that dreadfully unsanitary inflatable woman Wolowitz showed us 3 Saturnalias ago. However, _**I**_ will treat her like an equal and my Queen. If you come near me again with malicious intent or if I find out you're bothering her in any way, I will forgo your glasses and genitals and go straight for the jugular. I have absolutely no qualms about causing you severe harm Hofstadter, something else that is also your own fault. Now, you may go to figurative hell. I have a lunch date with a beautiful woman and a multitude of half unpacked shoes. Good day."

And out the door he went.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Good evening. And now for the chaser. My sincere apologies for the update gap. I'm ill again and my siblings have gone back to school, resulting in a quieter house but a messier one when the homework/project/permission slip/b.s. that no-one reads explodes out of their bags. And I totally stand by what I said to my mother last year: I am not going to do anyone's project for them. I am not going to help them with a project unless they do 75% of the work themselves first. And if they get held back, they get held back. I'm a very busy CMW2 (hopefully I'll be an even busier one once I FINALLY get my State IDs…) and I have a life to live, even if 90% of the aforementioned life revolves around my various fandoms.**

**Okay, enough of that. Main Idea of this chapter: Technology is Awesome. You know why? Because it can be used to show awesome things, like your boyfriend putting the smack down on a Troll live and in high definition. *grins like the Grinch* Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

_"… you sir, ruined your own dubious chances with Penelope by not only being a liar and a saboteur but by also refusing to see her worth beyond what is between her legs and below her neck. She deserves better than that. She certainly deserves better than you and now, she has it as long as she wants me. **You** would've treated her as nothing more than a living version of that dreadfully unsanitary inflatable woman Wolowitz showed us 3 Saturnalias ago. However, **I** will treat her like an equal and my Queen. If you come near me again with malicious intent or if I find out you're bothering her in any way, I will forgo your glasses and genitals and go straight for the jugular. I have absolutely no qualms about causing you severe harm Hofstadter, something else that is also your own fault. Now, you may go to figurative hell. I have a lunch date with a beautiful woman and a multitude of half unpacked shoes. Good day."_

A text from Raj saying: **GO ON UR FACEBOOK ASAP** had stopped her from unpacking long enough to see a rapidly liked and shared video at the top of her dash. It was titled 'Troll Takedown' and the source had been Leslie Winkle. Clicking the play button, she watched as a twisted face venom spitting Leonard tried to attack Sheldon and failed miserably. Her inner Xena crowed in triumph as the physical part played and now, she was trying her best not to cry as the rebuttal played again. No one had ever said anything like that about her before. No one had so fiercely defended what was between them, not even Kurt and it was **_Sheldon_**. Sheldon didn't lie. Lying made his face twitch and he claimed that dishonesty gave him constipation. She really didn't want to know if the latter was true…

Clicking play again, Penny imagined her Midwestern self giving the Cali Girl a swift kick in the teeth for even considering Leonard as more than a friend. Well, actually, they weren't really friends. Sure, they'd talk and laugh and watch TV and movies but there was always a disconnect there. She couldn't understand his work and he just wanted to fuck her. He was willing to "put up" with any and everything about her just he could get it in. What made her sick was that if she hadn't gotten the full raw truth about what happened in the Arctic, he would've succeeded. She had accused Leonard as seeing her as an ego boost but thinking back, he had been an ego boost for her, too. No matter how many guys turned out to be stupid jerks, she had one smart guy ready and willing to worship at her feet at her say-so. It had made her feel powerful and special and…it was just selfish meanness on both sides of the street. Leonard didn't really want her for her and she didn't really want him for him. There was always an agenda…

"…_**I**__ will treat her like an equal and my Queen…"_

With Sheldon, what you saw is what you got. What he said was what he meant. Lies, omissions, games (well, relationship games, anyway…) weren't a part of his makeup. Sometimes the honesty was arrogantly grating but mainly, it was refreshing and a motivator for her to cut a lot of bullshit from her makeup, too. Sheldon may judge (especially if he didn't understand something) but after an explanation and with time, he'd accept and encourage. The fact that he hadn't picked her up and chucked her out the first time she stole the milk, sat in his spot, etc. proved that nicely. And unlike Kurt and Leonard and the others, she didn't feel like she had to put on a show to cover over her rough areas. Sheldon just wanted her. Whether she was pretty or not, he'd still want her at the end of the day. He told her so on a picnic under the Cooper willow tree. Sure, the fact she was pretty was good ('a welcome incentive') but it was the inner her that he wanted...

"I suppose I should've anticipated my confrontation with him would end up online. People around CalTech are avid bloggers, after all. Are you angry? My research indicated that sometimes women are displeased when their partners 'go caveman' but he really shouldn't have behaved as… "

"Shh…" she soothed, placing fingers over his lips.

His cornflower eyes narrowed slightly and darkened as she moved in for a kiss. His right hand cupped the back of her head, mussing her ponytail and his left hand splayed over her back, holding her close. Their kisses had finesse now but still had the raw hot enthusiasm that excited them both in Galveston.

"You're not angry." he declared happily through swelling lips.

She gave the lower lip a gentle tug and suck before cupping his face in both hands.

"I am but not at you. You, I'm very happy with. No one's ever stuck up for me like that, whether they were a boyfriend or just a friend. Plus, watching you lay down the law on someone was hot as hell. How'd you do that, anyway?"

"As a physicist, I have a more thorough understanding of the workings of universe, including ways to use my weight and height as leverage to stop rampaging hobbits. Plus, I saw that particular series of moves on one of your crime shows and I wanted to see if they would work in reality."

"Well, they do."

"_Qapla_."

"That's Klingon for 'yay', right?"

"Essentially. Um, Penelope? I know I said that I was meeting you for lunch and I'm hungry but… do you think could we kiss a little more before we eat? I…really enjoy kissing you."

For his honesty, she shoved him gently into his spot and straddled him, determined to have his lips for lunch...and maybe dinner, too.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: Good evening, everyone. Well, I finally got a flame for this story. It took 15 chapters and over 200 positive reviews but it certainly happened.**

**According to my critic, I know absolutely nothing about _TBBT _and this whole story is just an excuse to wantonly bash canon and people and I just made it all completely insultingly OOC. And they are absolutely correct. I said in Chapter 1, _from Jump Street_, that I only had a little knowledge and experience in this fandom and that I didn't like certain ideas or characters to the point of bashing. That's what got me into writing fanfic in general. If I can't get what I want from canon, then I'll make my own canon, my own universe to be entertained in.**

**Point of Clarification: I live and write with the philosophy that life is too damned short to act like you like people/ideas when you really don't, _even if said people/ideas are fictional._**

**The critic was respectful in their anger, I have to give them that and…_Karma_ and my other stories are my Frankenstein's monsters and not everyone's gonna be like Madeline Khan in _Young Frankenstein_ and like them to the point singing orgasmic opera. What's awesome to me can be a heaping helping of shit to someone else. I get it.**

**It still sucks to have to look at vitriol, though. Even when it's respectful.**

**So, I end this A/N with a friendly but very firm reminder to all readers: if you fundamentally disagree with the way someone writes and what they write about, all you gotta do is move on to an author that tempts your palette or write your own stuff. Simple as that. That is what this site and others were created for and new authors in any form of publication are always welcome, at least to me, anyway.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

He pulled out his printed copy of Gablehauser's email, reading it for the 25th time.

It was a professional one, thanking him for his years of service as an instructor and researcher for CalTech but due to recent events, his time at the institution had come to an end. There were details about his severance package but no offers to provide references. Leonard knew that if he tried to get any sort of work in college level academia or with an agency, he'd be shown the door. The details of what he had helped do in the Arctic put his professional credibility on life support. What he had done with Sheldon 4 days before had pulled the plug. Leonard had stood in the lobby after the confrontation, blinking in shock at the stream of impassioned words from the formerly robotic man and smarting from rapidly forming bruises. There was one shaped like the column on his back and an ugly one shaped like a thermal clad forearm over his Adam's apple. Noticing camera phones, he had gone back to his office, packed his belongings, and slipped out the back.

Another panel had convened in his absence.

As soon as he got home, he began printing copies of his resume and looking at the Classifieds. He knew what was coming. There would be no DVD riding to the rescue, no mercy for him. By the end of the day he was where he was now: unemployed and heartbroken…unemployed and ego-less, more like it. He hadn't loved Penny. He loved the _**idea**_ of her. He loved the idea of having a beautiful, normal girl next door to come home to, to show off at ComicCon and at formal university functions. He loved the idea of getting to touch her, feel her, taste her everywhere. To be with Penny would make him an Alpha amongst his peers and give him something to say he had finally exceeded his mother's rock bottom expectations of him.

Sure, he'd never be as accomplished academically as his siblings nor would he ever be more than 'an unforeseen complication' (ice speak for a broken condom…) but he would still have someone to be with, someone she'd never approve of but still, someone. She said that he wouldn't find anyone for 'any sort of tangible social/romantic bond'…

But, it didn't work out that way. He didn't have Penny. He didn't have friends. He didn't have professional credibility and now, the best option for him was to be a high school or junior high teacher at best. At worst, he'd be in the elementary schools or working at a drive-thru someplace. He was thoroughly humbled by his own hubris. What started as a way to knock Sheldon down a peg or 8 became the fuel for his own destruction…

Currently, he was sitting in the back of the balcony level of the theater, watching as she went through the final scenes of The Odyssey, touching her hot co-star's chest, stage kissing him for a happy ending. As soon as the director called for a review of the Calypso scenes, she descended the stage steps to sit by front row center Sheldon. She was with Sheldon who was completely unfazed by her being all over some other guy on stage, rational Sheldon who nodded in approval in the wake of her much improved acting skills and encouraged her enthusiasm. Leonard felt acid in his gut as she sat on his lap and rested her head on his shoulder, sharing his latest comic book after a kiss.

Leonard accepted that he had never loved Penny, that he had never had a real chance with her but knowing she was with Sheldon…it was shudder inducing. The meathead jocks, the wannabe John Mayers, even _**Kurt**_ he understood. He understood why Penny had picked them. They had brawn, they had talents she could connect to, they had history…but Sheldon, of all people? They were completely on different levels in looks, brains, sexual impulses. While Penny hadn't hesitated (except for with him, damn it!) to be with people, Sheldon made it his mission to stay above such carnal impulses. They would only detract from his work and the germs were simply unacceptable. Seeing Penny all over him, seeing Sheldon _**let**_ her be all over him, seeing them so damned happy when he was so damned miserable, even though much of the misery was his own making…it was the furthest thing from right he could think of.

It simply wasn't fair.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: Y'all are the greatest fire extinguisher ever. I have to admit that even with the firm stance I took last A/N, the flamer took a bit of the wind out of my sails but all your encouraging reviews, all the PMs, and the ever growing list of alerts served as a hurricane wind, as was seeing _Pitch Perfect _twice last weekend. I fucking love that movie and its soundtrack to pieces and Fat Amy is my spirit animal. **

**So, now it's time to cross another hurdle, namely getting Sheldon and Penny into bed. I promised coitus and I am a woman of my word. However, I've been at a loss at how to tackle the subject while keeping them somewhat in character. I've read and loved all sorts of Shenny lemony goodness around here but I want to be different. Oh well. I'm just gonna type what sounds good to me and hope it comes together nicely. Not as nice as Sheldon and Penny coming together…*giggity***

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"_Why don't you ask Missy about this, Shelley?! __**Jesus!**_"

"I plan on asking her as well but I turned to you first because although I'm closer to Missy emotionally, you're still my big brother and social cues dictate that my coitus predicament falls in your jurisdiction first."

"_All right, first things first: __**don't**__ call it a predicament and secondly, it's called sex, String Bean. Not coitus, not mating, not some other proper sciency term but__** sex**__. Well, lovemakin' since it's Penny, am I right?_"

"You _**are**_ right and don't refer to me as String Bean. What do I do?"

"_Her._" his older replied cheekily.

"I understand _**that**_ part, G.J. I'm a scientist after all. What I need help with is figurin' out how to lead into doin' her and how to do her correctly because due to my own past choices I have very little experience and the only reason I even want more experience now is because I want to be wit Penelope fully because I love her, dammit. Now, are you gonna…_**going to **_help me or not?" Sheldon replied through gritted teeth as he suppressed the urge to throw his phone across the room.

Asking for help was not something he did often and G.J.'s ribbing was not helping the situation. Now that he and Penny were cohabiting peacefully, he could focus his energies to the next level of their relationship, namely coi…lovemaking. Their kisses were exhilarating, as were the tentative over/under clothing touching but he could sense a longing from her that couldn't be denied. His queen wanted sex. Not only that, she wanted sex _**with him**_.

Sheldon still had an aversion to germs and messy situations but…it was Penny. It was Penny and she was his Penny and he wanted to keep her in his life. She had become integral to his life and making her happy made him happy. He knew that moving past his fears and hang-ups would make her happy…and sated. Now, he wasn't worried about her fidelity. She had made it clear that since she had been cheated on in the past, she would never inflict that sort of pain on anyone, especially him. Still, every human had needs. They needed oxygen, nutrients, shelter, and social connections to be at peak performance. They also needed sexual intimacy, not only for reproductive purposes but for closeness, for warmth…for fun.

In his evolution to a new form of _**Homo Novus**_, Sheldon found that his libido had come out of hiding and demanded the time denied it. He was willing to yield to the demands but he wanted to do it in a way that would give pleasure to her, hence the call to his brother. G.J. was "normal" and had been with women before not for scientific curiosity like he had in Germany but for…reasons. Reasons he had no clue about…

"_You're not askin' me about my moves in the sack, are you?_"

"That is disgusting on every level I can think of, G.J. I have no intention of scarring myself for life that way. Besides, if you did tell me, I'm sure that I would never be able to look you or Bernadette in the eye ever again."

His brother laughed heartily and replied, "_Yeah, you got me there. Okay, you know about how to do it physically. Tab A into Slot B. I know you do because Ma prayed for your fallen purity after you told her in your letter home for some godforsaken reason…_"

"Mother said she wanted to know about all my new experiences overseas. I was simply following her request." he defended for the 25th time.

"_You practically put her in the grave, Shel. There's such a thing as over sharing_."

"Penelope's been educating me on that matter. G.J., I know about the act itself. I just…I need help with the emotional parts. I don't want to do or say the wrong things to her before, during, or afterwards. Especially afterwards. She once told me about how Hofstadter brought up her daddy issues while they were in bed and…needless to say, it didn't work out well. Well, for Hofstadter that is. In the end, his idiocy worked out _**very**_ well for me."

Both of them chuckled maliciously and his brother advised, "_Okay, all I can say is listen to her. Look at her body language. Better yet, ask her to show or tell you what she likes and how she likes it. Don't bring up her dad and keep the science shit to a minimum. It's about you and her, not the big bang's baby mama or whatever the hell you're workin' on right now. Most of all, just relax and go with the flow. It's not a thesis paper, it's lovemakin' with your girl and it's supposed to be fun. That good enough for you?"_

"Actually, yes. Thank you, G.J."

"_What are big brothers for? Oh and Shelley? For the love of God, when you manage to pull this off, don't tell Ma the full nitty-gritty details. She'll end up leading a 2 week long prayer circle._"

"Acknowledged."


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: Good evening. This week. I'll be focusing on this story for a chain of daily updates from today to Sunday. Hopefully, in this chain, I can get into the coitus that I promised with all the fixings and maybe even finish the story. I'm not sure yet. I'll see how the Muses behave. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

Penny entered his bathroom and hopped up on the wicker laundry basket, watching as he shaved. The place they had found had two bathrooms attached to the master suite. He took the one on the left, she took the one on the right, and they shared the room in the middle. Yes, indeed. Sheldon "People Can't Be In My Room" Cooper was willingly sharing a room and a bed with her. Not only was he sharing the bed, he was a rather aggressive snuggler. Slumbering Dracula had been replaced by a guy who wanted to hold her, squeeze her, and put a leg over her hip as he snored ever so softly. Sometimes, he'd even wake her up before 11 by nibbling her ear and kissing her neck. Ear nibbles and neck kisses cancelled out throat punches better than coffee any day of the week…

"You're smiling." he pointed out as he rinsed the straight razor for the last time.

"I am."

"May I ask why?"

"Just thinking about us in bed together. How you're all up on me and how much I like it."

"Oh."

"And I was also checking out your ass in that towel. You make Pac-Man look hot, sweetie."

Pink tinted his cheeks and he pulled out the bottle of Aqua Velva from his shaving kit.

"Thank you. I'm glad you're pleased with my appearance. I've been contemplating joining a gym…"

"You can do that if you want to but I like your body the way it is now."

"Are you sure? In the past, you seemed to enjoy a more filled out beefy sort of man."

"In the past, I was trying to get something started with Leonard, too. I have more refined tastes now, Dr. Cooper.", she replied tartly while extending her hand for the aftershave.

As they settled into romantic roommatehood, all sorts of little things had cropped up. They cooked dinner together every Saturday, making a whole day out of finding recipes and ingredients. He had made her an Apocalypse kit, a sparkly Hello Kitty sticker on top of the lidded black box. She brought him fresh markers every Friday, his standards and some scented ones of her own. He'd come to the Cheesecake Factory during her shifts and drop off a snack or once, a white rose, her favorite. They'd have Age of Conan sessions on Sunday evenings and when she was awake with him in the morning, she would apply his aftershave.

She did so now with gentle fingers and he gave her a thank you peck on the brow, making her smile again as she retreated back to their bed. It was a Sleep Number memory foam thing that Sheldon had ordered off the internet. He had allowed her to pick the bedding and she had picked sheets in various warm neutrals and a comforter set in purple, navy, and white. It was extremely comfortable and it made getting up even more a chore to her sometimes.

Fortunately, today was one of her off days and rehearsal wasn't until 4:15.

"I have a new project that I need your help with." he informed her as he came back in.

"Seriously?"

"Very. I can't nor do I wish to do this project with anyone else in the world but you."

That got her attention. Sitting up, she froze as she met slumberous cobalt eyes. They were like his post make out session eyes but different, sharper, hotter, even more focused. Penny felt her nipples tighten against the thin pink cotton of her tank top and she could feel a pulse between her legs. She drew up her knees to the top of her purple with white trim shorts. In response, one of his hands (his warm, strong, elegant hands…) grabbed her ankle and gently pulled her forward. He bent down and kissed her fiercely, plunging his tongue into her mouth, nipping at her lower lip…

"I wanna make love with you, Penelope." he informed her with honeyed twang.

"_Now?_"

He chuckled darkly and she could feel heat coil even tighter in her belly.

"Not yet but soon. The project I need your help with is showing me just what you like and how you like it. I'm not a virgin but I'm not experienced either. I want…I _**need **_our lovemaking to be good for you."

"Wow…most guys just would play it by ear…"

"You of all people should know that I am far from the typical male. I dislike uncertainties and miscommunications in my life. What better way to avoid that with coi… making love with you than to involve you directly in the early planning stages?"

"I get what you're saying, sweetie and I love it but…I'm not that hard to figure out."

"I beg to differ. You are much more complicated than your surface indicates. You have facets and layers that I can't even begin to understand but I want to…desperately. And I get what I want."

"Yeah, you do. This is gonna be fun."

"Indeed."


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: Hi. I'm glad that you guys are still into this fic and that my Fic of the Week system is a hit amongst you. It's a lot easier to write now because I can focus my attention on one WIP at a time instead of having ideas swarm and buzz my head for all of them. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing but it starts a cycle of guilt and writer's block because I have stories that haven't been touched in damned near 3 years. Some of them pushing 4 now, actually and if I hate it when authors do that to me, I can only imagine how the followers of those stories feel about me. Yeesh…**

**The Sheldon and Penny POV chapters are definitely gonna get longer but since this one is a Leonard POV, it's gonna be short like he is. In fact, I think this is gonna be the last Leonard POV for a while. I really don't like going into his head and for now, I can't think of any further torture for him. I've broken my major characters live on rule so now I have a new option as to what to do with him and other characters I don't like. I'm probably not gonna kill him off in this story (after all, how can he be miserable in the face of the overwhelming awesomeness of Shenny if he's dead?) but it's an option for future fics in the fandom. Enjoy today's chapter.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

He had found a 9 to 5 cubicle job logging in spreadsheets for a company that sold various types of culinary equipment. While the company sold everything from industrial sized ovens to customized whisks, they were best known for cornering the field in the international distribution of electric can openers.

Their biggest contract was with the same people who made the electric can opener that he had ruined Sheldon's research and pretty much the rest of his life with.

The irony was biting.

Leonard had talked the landlord into letting him sublet 4B to a trio of college students so he had income from there too. Taking a leaf out of Penny's book, he had sold a lot of his possessions on eBay and Craigslist, giving a good nest egg to collect interest in the bank. He moved to an apartment other side of Pasadena, away from CalTech, away from the Cheesecake Factory, away from the theater, just away. He found a new comic book store to go to in the mall, he still played HALO but not on Wednesdays, he resumed playing his cello (with a new mini orchestra) and now the only thing his white board held was a to-do list.

"_You like boards? This is my board…"_

Raj was right. There were thousands of other women out there in California, millions more around the globe. Penny wasn't the only fish in the sea. Why he was still dwelling on her even now, he didn't understand. She was with Sheldon. She had built a life with Sheldon, a Sheldon who now regarded him with the same disdain as a serpent handling preacher. She was happy and thriving without him. He was nothing more than a mistake to her, an embarrassing lapse of judgment. A "what the hell was I thinking?" just like a haircut done at home or buying and wearing a fanny pack with a straight face, thinking you were cool…

His supervisor came out of nowhere with a new stack of printouts to be logged into the system, the fact that it was a quarter to 5 meaning nothing. Leonard sighed and resigned himself to staying over again. It wasn't really resignation…

After all, the work gave him something to focus on other than the life and woman he had lost due to his own idiocy.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note: Hi. I'm glad you guys agreed with my decision to cut Leonard out (not really surprising…) and with the 'teach me' way of transitioning to the lemon. I've always liked those sorts of things. Again, I'm sorry for the briefness of the chapter. My week's been hectic as hell.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"What happened to his eye?"

"Raj punched me."

"Raj, why did you punch Wolowitz in the eye?"

"He was bugging me for details about me and Missy…being me and Missy…and he said something I didn't like so I punched him. It was a reflex."

"Good. Missy deserves that sort of respect."

Sheldon sat down across from them and opened his lunch bag. Penny had pointed out the benefits of 'brown bagging it' over the cafeteria wares. Not only did he not have to interact with more people than outside his immediate social circle, he could control the exact ingredients and quality that went into his food. Today, he had brought whole wheat hummus wraps, apple slices with a mini container of honey, and a small bottle of mineral water. As for reading material, he had forgone a comic or a journal article in favor of…

"Holy crap, is that a _**Cosmo**_ magazine?" Howard demanded.

"Yes. I'm using it as a reference."

"A reference, eh? Is that what it's called these days?"

He looked at the leering man with Death Ray eyes.

"Unless you want your other eye swollen shut, I suggest you derail your train of thought immediately. Whatever Penelope and I do in our private lives is just that: private."

Howard raised his hands in surrender and replied laughingly, "Hey, hey…I get it. I'm just still amazed that you have a Deal. That Penny turned out to be your Deal. It's kinda hilarious."

"I concede your point. Still, it's not up for discussion."


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note: Good evening. I don't have much to say in this A/N. Probably because I'm more tired than I ought to be because of a shift in my work schedule. Going in later and coming home later kinda sucks. Majorly. But leaving you guys without your daily dose of Karma would suck way, way more. Enjoy today's chapter. I know I enjoyed writing it.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

Penny had never been seduced before.

Oh sure, guys had bought her dinner and flowers and the like but none had ever out and out, romance novel build up seduced her before. They were more focused on the main event, the foreplay just a minor 15 blip on the radar before going for the gold. With Sheldon, foreplay took days and it wasn't just in the bedroom. He would brush up against her as he moved about the house. His touches would linger on the small of her back and his lips would find the nape of her neck when he came up behind her. Then, while they lay in bed, he would ask her gentle questions about what she liked and then ask her to show him. He would lie on his side and watch as her hands found all of her spots, an occasional chaste index finger tracing her bare clavicle as she played her body to perfection.

One of the main parameters of the experiment was that she was not to wear anything to bed at all. When she asked why, he compared seeing her nudity to climbing a mountain, that one needed to acclimate to new surroundings and sights. Secretly, she just thought it was another way for him to be a control freak (after all, he was still fully clothed…) but she really didn't mind it. The way he looked at her was lustful but it was lust for _**her**_. With the others, she could always tell when they were shaping her to be better or someone else in their heads.

Not Sheldon.

She stared up into his eyes as her left index finger circled her throbbing nub, causing little whimpers to escape her. Happily, she noticed that tonight he was not wearing the overshirt of his pajamas and that he had one of the jewel tone undershirts she had bought him on. It was a rich plum purple, making his eyes pop like blue flame and she shivered as she made to slip a finger inside her.

A quivery cry of surprise escaped her as two of his fingers slid inside her. His nostrils flared as her tunnel contracted welcomely around the digits and she cried out again as they curled in a slow come hither motion.

"Oh, good…I was afraid that my reference material had been inaccurate."

"_In...inaccurate?_" she panted as an earthquake built in her aching pussy.

"Mm-hm. I've been reading issues that insipid _**Cosmopolitan**_ magazine you enjoy as well as a site called **AskMen**. Both materials suggested that a slow gentle approach with close attention paid to your G-spot…"

Penny yelped and groaned as he added a slight twist to the come hither strumming of said spot.

"…and your clitoris would be very good for you, Penelope."

"_Yes…__**so**__ good…please, Sheldon…_"

Her inner walls were buckling with increasing speed and she threw back her head as he added another torturing digit into the mix. His eyes were now a new shade of dark navy and she could see his own interest straining against the material of his bottoms. She wanted to see it. She wanted to touch it. Just a little tiny touch…

Her back arched like a bow and she screamed loudly as he took her left nipple deep into his mouth, sending her over the edge. A very satisfied and male grunt escaped him and he suckled harder at the intimate tissue as she bucked underneath him. It had been a long time since she had orgasmed with a partner and never this hard as quickly. The guys before had been clumsy and not nearly as thorough, forcing her to have take her satisfaction into her own custody but…

A squeal through gritted teeth left her throat as he switched to the neglected nipple and her fingers slid into his short brown hair, gripping it hard. Slowly, as her body calmed, he withdrew his fingers and she shivered at the look in his eyes as he sat up fully. He brought his hand up to eye level curiously and she was expecting him to head to his bathroom to clean the sticky fluids off.

"_**Oh, my God**_…" she groaned throatily as he opened his mouth and took them in, sucking with obvious relish. Apparently, her germs were of no consequence to him…

"Very nice." he said with deep twang after he was done. "I look forward to tasting you at the source. We're done for tonight, my Queen"

Penny moaned as he pressed a light kiss to her innie navel and stood up, heading on wobbly knees for his bathroom.

"Don't you want me to…re…reciprocate?"

"I love it when you use formal diction and for now, no. I…I can handle this myself _**quite **_well." he replied with a wicked grin playing at his lips as he shuffled away.

"Think of me!" she sing-songed between giggles.

The slamming of the door made her laugh harder.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Note: Tonight made me realize that my disdain for my friendly neighborhood police department is completely justified. Now, I don't live on Skid Row but I don't live in a gated community either so a little bit of crime, I've come to accept and expect. A couple folks smoking weed, cars speeding down the street like it's the Autobahn, things of that nature…minor things.**

**Tonight, I heard (with my family during dinner time) 4 shots being fired on the other street. As in gunshots. Thankfully, none of us were hit but we were all freaking the hell out. The police's response was damn near nonexistent and it took them almost a half hour just to send a car out. And _of course_, they didn't catch the fools with the gun so now, I'm scared near witless for my school age siblings, my disabled mother, my diabetic and overworked father, and myself. Not to mention the other little kids on my block and their families. **

**And what grinds my gears the most about the situation is when my mother tried to inform them anonymously about the drug/ oldest profession in the world hustles going on across the street from us last weekend, they asked her to call back on Monday because it was after 5PM. "Serve and Protect", my ass. Motherfuck the Police.**

**Sorry. I had to let that out. On a brighter note, I am pleased as punch to know that you guys like my lemony Pre-Game for our heroes and I hope you guys keep sticking around for the Main Event. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"_I look forward to tasting you at the source…"_

Sheldon sat at his home desk, slowly reading through an article on cunnilingus, more specifically "how to drive your partner wild". The progress they had made 2 nights before had been remarkable and ahead of the set schedule he had come up with in his mind. He hadn't planned to touch her intimately for another week, intent on watching and memorizing her various techniques. Each hand had a region of her nubile form, each finger an assignment and every plateau required shifts in depth, friction, firmness…

Coming to bed without his outer plaid shirt had been a calculated move. Eventually, he would be just as nude as she was and he had to acclimate to the idea slowly, a little bit at a time so he wouldn't lose his nerve...

Looking into her fevered jade gaze, seeing that gaze linger appreciatively on the skin he was showing, listening to her whimper…those whimpers would break Surak himself. Before he could stop himself, his fingers had slid inside her and it snowballed. She was tight, slippery, silky, and near burning hot inside. Penny had been delightfully responsive and he felt like he was going to burn deliciously from the inside out. Her nipples had reminded him of raspberries, one of his favorite fruits and he had been struck by the primal urge to taste them, taste her…

That urge extended to his fingers, baptized in her fluids. The scent was musky but the taste was sweet and spicy. The closest he could get to describing it as a food would be honey and cinnamon, two more of his favorites. She had watched him with surprised glee, looking as if she were going to spring and pounce on him then and there.

While the idea was undeniably appealing, he knew that he wasn't quite ready for that, hence his decision to withdraw and take care of his…_**needs**_…himself.

He did think of her, though.

Vividly.

The front door opened and shut downstairs and he smiled as the sound of her heading upstairs reached his ears.

Perhaps now would be a good time to put his latest reference to the test…


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note: Good evening, everyone. And now for Sheldon's new reference. The Main Event will be tomorrow and I know it's gonna be good. The Muses have been restless for some good old fashioned first time smut and who am I deny them, you, or our heroes? Enjoy today's chapter.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"Hi, sweetie. Rehearsal ended a bit early so I…"

Strong hands clasped her arms gently and pressed her matter of factly against the wall next to the full length mirror. Penny blinked at the move and the uncharacteristic silence from her man. Sheldon was rarely quiet for more than a few minutes and that was only when he was solving the mysteries of the universe with a peach scented marker. When he got in that _**Zone**_, a bomb could go off behind him and he'd hardly react…

"Um…Sheldon?"

"I'm not going to harm you, Penelope." he replied matter of factly before dropping to his knees.

She made to ask why but then the answer smacked her full force in the face.

"…_I look forward to tasting you at the source_…"

A full body shudder went through her and she could see a smug yet eager smirk playing at his lips as he reached under her skirt. The light pink Hello Kitty bikinis were tossed carelessly to the side and she lifted the hem of the shin length green cotton. Sheldon moved underneath and she could feel his hot breath on her inner thighs as he kissed them slowly, his large hands cupping her behind possessively.

"…are you…is this a new reference?"

Penny gasped as his thumbs spread her lower lips and his tongue touched her opening for the first of hopefully many times. He moaned and began to lick slowly, gently, moving from her opening to her throbbing nub and back with smooth strokes. A surge of her creams hit his tongue and that same pleased _**grunt**_ from the fingering made her smile wickedly. Germaphobic, straight laced, ruthlessly self controlled Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper was going down on her and loving it. Her pink glitter polished toes curled into the rug and she moaned out as his tongue slid inside her deliciously.

If this was foreplay, then the main event was probably gonna kill her.

She'd die happy.

When his fingers entered her and his tongue became focused on her clit, she shrieked. God, _**yes**_. Right _**there**_. Fucking hell yes…if he stopped, he was a fucking dead man and she was not playing with him!

"…_no need to threaten my life, darlin'…_" he scolded with a hint of dark laughter in his muffled voice.

"Sheldon, I swear to _**God**_…" she growled, her hand pressing firmly on the back of his head.

Her hand scrabbled for purchase as he draped a shaking, stiffened leg over his shoulder and his fingers curled and twisted inside of her maddeningly, his tongue playing with her clit like it was hard candy. Penny howled as she shattered, her head hitting the wall with a dull bang. His fingers slid out and his mouth latched on, lapping and drinking at her like she was water in the desert. A pleased hiss escaped her as he noticed his hips moving against the air slowly, his arousal pressing insistently against the material of his sweat pants. Knowing that he wanted her, seeing that he wanted her was a near unbearable turn-on…

His head came out from under her skirt and her leg was released, making her wobble. His hands spanned her waist to steady her and she looked down at him. His eyes were navy and the lower half of his face was covered in a clear sheen of her. His tongue was licking at his lips and he used the back of his hand to take care of a little more of it.

"Much better from the source." he declared in the same matter of fact tone from earlier.

"I want you."

"Not yet."

"_**When?**_ You're driving me crazy…"

"Soon. _**Very**_ soon. I promise."

She just growled in response.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note: Good morning, everyone. Thank you all so much for your support for_ Karma_ this week. As promised, this here is gonna have the Main Event for our heroes. I'd figured I'd end the chain (but not the story…almost done with it, though…) on a high note. A very high and sexually sated note. I'm still a little leery at writing lemon for Sheldon but I think I've hit pay dirt with this idea. Enjoy today's chapter and thanks again!**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

He caught her wrist as she passed the couch, heading for her spot, and gently tugged her down. She landed facing him on his lap, her knees on either side of his hips and her hands braced in the leather above. Like when he had guided her against the wall 3 days before, she blinked and he could see wary excitement in her verdant gaze. Cupping the back of her head, he kissed her gently but thoroughly, moaning as she rubbed against him like a cat in heat. Her whole body language melted and her hands went to his cheeks, responding to him, wanting him…

It was time.

"Um, Sheldon?"

"I think now would be a good time to adjourn to our bedroom, Penelope."

"You're ready?"

His answer was to stand and then pick her up like a bride. She gasped but held onto him gamely as he ascended the stairs. Her eyes were growing darker by the second and he could see her hardened nipples thorough soft periwinkle tank top. Crossing the threshold of their room, he placed her in her raspberry color cushioned bowl chair and set about removing his clothing. Penny's eyes were welcoming and eager as he stood naked before her and she placed a hand on his trembling right thigh.

"You're beautiful." she declared softly, giving him a small shove onto their bed.

Her tank and shorts were removed and she took the ascendant position, only a pair of tiny mint green bikinis separating them. Sheldon moaned as her bare breasts touched his chest and he took down her hair, letting it fall forward between them like a silk golden curtain. Her body was firm but deliciously curvy, ripe and sweet-smelling. Her skin was a shade darker than his pale complexion and satiny, his palms burning as they roamed over her expertly, stoking her fires and his. Her own hands were near frenzied in their exploration, his breath coming quicker as she stroked his trembling inner thighs, his belly, his chest, everywhere but the throbbing appendage that seared his groin and mind.

"_Please_…"

"_I should tease you just as hard as you did to me, you know. I should make you crazy and make you wait_…" she whispered with honeyed malice in his ear.

"Please don't…Penelope, I need you…"

"_You need me?_" she cooed as she nibbled at his nipples gently, making him buck.

"_Yes, Devil Woman, I need you_…_torture me if you must later but I need you__** now**_!"

A near unearthly sound lurched out of him as she impaled herself on him and she threw her head back with bared teeth. Hot, wet, soft, tight…his body was overheating and shivering at the same time. Her body quivered like a tuning fork as she started to move, magnifying the sensations tenfold. Her eyes were wild jade and conquering, triumphant as she established a vigorous rhythm. Sheldon's hips took on a mind of their own and surged into her, causing ripples inside her canal, causing her throaty screams to echo through their room and possibly the house.

_Penny…Penny…Penny…Penelope…my Penelope…my Queen**…mine…**_

A feeling of deep possession, deeper than he ever felt came over him and she yelped as he forcibly reversed their positions. The iron headboard clanged as she gripped it with both hands and he buried his face between her breasts, roaring like a primal beast. She was shivering, gasping, giggling, moaning underneath him. His woman, his mate was under him and he was inside her where he belonged, giving and taking deep pleasure from their lovemaking…

A loud wordless cry tore out of her throat and she arched them both off the mattress as her climax came to her, rippling from her twitching core outwards. Sheldon hissed and bit down on the delicate skin above her clavicle, surrendering to the boiling heat in his veins, the raging emotions that consumed everything in their path…

"_**Penelope!**_"


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note: I'm still gonna scribble on my favorite fandoms' walls and I'm **_**still**_** gonna write what**_** I**_** want to read. Whether people enjoy what I come up with or not, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, I write for me first and foremost. I write because I love it and it makes happy. No one is going to take that from me. ****NO. ONE.**

**As you can all probably tell, I've gotten, read, and promptly deleted another Chapter 16 A/N flame from what I patiently call an Anon-Troll and less patiently call a hateful, disrespectful pain in the neck.**

**You can insult my stories until the cows come home and jump over the moon but don't you dare tell me with a straight face that I shouldn't write in general. Just…don't.**

**That being said, this is the homestretch for this story and it may be completed earlier than the length of my usual chain so this may be a multi-fic update week. I don't know yet. **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"_I adore you, Penelope._"

Sheldon's head was in the space between neck and shoulder, sharing the pillow with her. His warm breathing was right near the hypersensitive skin behind her left ear and the still tangled, still musky bedding covered them from right below the navel down. He turned his head inward and used his nose to tilt her head, his lips pressing tenderly against the lower part of her cheek. Penny shivered and his arms wound around her tighter, holding her closer to him to warm her. She was already warm. She was happy and warm and felt absolutely delicious. He had made love with her. Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, _**Homo Novus**_ himself, trusted her enough, wanted her enough to make love with her.

After the jagged edge of need had been taken care of, he had used the data collected from their extended foreplay to initiate Round 2, 3, 4…it was like uncorking a bottle with him. Penny wasn't surprised. Once he set his mind to something, whether it was his work or one of his numerous fandoms and past times, it got his full attention, his full curiosity, the full attention of that big beautiful mind…

"_I know you're awake, darlin'_."

Penny smiled. She always enjoyed it when his twang entered his voice. It was a sure sign that he was listening, that things had gotten past his controlled and measured surface and to the real. Plus, hearing it in a low, raspy, sleepy, got just laid so hard and loved it tone…mmm…

"I adore you too, MoonPie." she replied while turning onto her back. Her limbs felt leaden and there was a deep, honeyed ache that she had never experienced before. Looking down, she could spot a few lovers' marks blossoming pink and red on her abdomen and she could feel a rather intense one on the inner curve of her left breast. That had been the resting place for his head as he howled (fucking _**howled**_…) her name for the first of many, many times…

"…you may call me that now. You may call me whatever you want."

"Damn straight I can." she sassed, making him laugh and get back on top of her. Skin on skin…god, she loved his skin. It was creamy pale and was addictingly salty sweet. Her fingers slid into his rumpled hair and pulled him down into a sensual kiss, sucking his lower then upper lip before capturing them fully. He moaned and held her close, his hands right where the band of her bra would be as he slipped his tongue into her mouth to dance with hers.

The kiss broke with a deep, guttural grunt from her as he forcibly entered her again.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note: Good evening, everyone. Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement after yesterday's A/N. It really made my day and I **_**particularly**_** enjoyed the review from I Love Nate Ruess. That made my insomnia ridden night and I couldn't stop laughing my fool head off for like 20 minutes. And yes, he certainly does like to fornicate, especially in my dirty twisted beyond repair mind. LOL! Seriously, though, thanks. You guys all rock my mismatched socks off.**

**I've decided that**_** Karma**_** will end at the 30 chapter mark so now, it's time to start drawing in loose ends and expanding on implied pairings with Leslie and Howard. I promised that they'd get an HEA too and I am a woman of my word. Enjoy today's chapter.**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

Hearing the cheerful growl of his Chewbacca timer, Sheldon carefully turned the waffle maker. As per usual, he had awoken before her and while looking at her peaceful face, he had been struck by the impulse to bring her breakfast in bed. It was odd. He had never liked the idea of eating a meal in the room he slept in (unless of course it was the Apocalypse…) but things were different now. His paradigm with Penelope Rosemary Oaks had permanently shifted and it was a shift he did not want undone, that he wanted to celebrate.

Besides, one of the recurring themes of his research on intimacy was that a good morning after was always appreciated by one's companion.

Removing the cinnamon blueberry waffles, he put them on a sunshine yellow plate and drizzled maple syrup over them like on the cooking shows his MeeMaw preferred. Next he added a healthy portion of scrambled eggs with pepper jack cheese and 4 sausage links. Placing the plate on the tray, he pulled a travel size bottle of green Naked Juice out of the subzero and got a purple crazy straw out of the cabinet, along with cutlery from the drawer. Last but not least, he put a large multicolored origami flower on the upper right hand corner of the tray on top of two squares of Bounty and headed back upstairs.

She had turned onto her back in her sleep, gloriously nude and glowing in the early morning sun. Placing the tray safely on her bedside table, Sheldon made sure the drawstring of his purple and green flannel pants was secure before leaning down to kiss her. Slowly, she responded and let out a sound vaguely like a content tribble as her eyes focused on his bare torso.

"Now, that's what I like to see. Lose the pants, baby."

"Perhaps after you eat, sweetheart.", he replied, the endearment flowing easily from his mouth. "I brought you breakfast."

Sitting up, she gasped softly and smiled at him brilliantly. Picking up his discarded shirt, he gestured for her to cover her torso and she pulled one of the blankets over her lap. He would have to do laundry today. While he was more than comfortable with sharing germs during lovemaking, Sheldon had no intention of slumbering in their dried fluids.

Just…no.

"Thank you, Sheldon. For breakfast, for last night, hell, just for everything. I'm really happy with you and I'm glad we're together."

"As am I. Eat."


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note: Good evening, everyone. I'm glad you all enjoyed the breakfast in bed. I've always wanted a guy to do that for me and I figured that it would be a good way to show the difference between Sheldon and Penny's past lovers. From what I can surmise, they wouldn't microwave a Cup o' Noodles for her, much less make her a good breakfast. In this universe, Sheldon cares for her before, during, and most of all, after sex. Simple as that. As for this short (but hopefully enjoyable) chapter, we have the final fate of one Leonard Hofstadter (the last three chapters will be Opening Night for **_**The Odyssey **_**and the aftermath**** plus an into the future epilogue) and no, he isn't going to be killed off. Maybe next story…**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

He had been offered a job in New York City.

Apparently, his bosses had been impressed by his work ethic and recommended him to supervise his own unit of spreadsheet fillers. He would get a 10% pay raise, a better dental plan, and a tiny but still corner office. Leonard hadn't even hesitated to accept.

California was nothing more than a land of broken dreams to him now, a constant reminder of failure and self destruction and delusion. It was time to man up and face facts. He had thrown away the career he trained so hard for in a fit of irrational jealousy. Looking back, Leonard could honestly say that he had been jealous of Sheldon from Day 1. Sure, he was weird and had little social skills but he was still highly respected in his field, he still had a warm and loving family, he still could attract all those pretty grad students that looked straight over his head. And Penny…he had gotten Penny's attention right from the start.

"…_Dr. Dumbass and Malibu Barbie were always gonna hook up in the end. I could tell as soon as I watched them interact. It was like the rats in the mating lab, only bigger and with slightly higher brain functions. You were a placeholder…"_

Leslie had been right. Penny and Sheldon were an inevitable pairing. Yin and yang, opposites attract, as they always said. They engaged each other head on, no quarter, no backing down. And the acceptance they showed each other was just matter of fact. No frills, no grand gestures…like amoebae, they just slowly but surely smoothly merged into one entity. Leonard had glimpsed it and instead of accepting and encouraging it, he had thrown himself into getting Penny for himself, like she was a prize to be won, a prime slab of beef…

"…_Furthermore, you sir, ruined your own dubious chances with Penelope by not only being a liar and a saboteur but by also refusing to see her worth beyond what is between her legs and below her neck…"_

Indeed he had. He had been so focused on getting The Girl, on being The Hero, he had morphed into The Villain, The Backstabber, Judas Iscariot, Peter Pettigrew, Brutus…he had been an awful person to both of them. If he could just go back and do things over…well, it was all moot now. Everyone had moved on and thrived without him…

Sitting back in his plane seat, he put in his ear plugs and closed his eyes, feeling as they took flight.

It was time to grow up and to truly make the best of the hands he had been dealt.


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note: Good evening, everyone. Thank you all for the deluge of reviews I got yesterday. I'm glad that **_**Karma**_** is still being well received by the people who matter around here and I'll do my best to make sure I finish strong. In the last couple of fics I've finished, the endings seemed kinda rushed after the fact (probably due to the before midnight deadline I've established for each of my daily updates…) and some reviewers took notice, not in a flaming way but in the proper constructive criticism way. Constructive criticism doesn't piss me off so I was glad to see those reviews. Now, I have a new thing to work on other than treating my chronic procrastination. LOL! **

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

It was a madhouse. People getting into costumes, people moving props, people getting made up, people talking, cursing, giggling, praying, it was just a fucking madhouse.

And Penny absolutely relished it.

She was backstage at a real theater doing a real show where she was the lead. She wasn't the lead by default or because the director wanted to fuck her (Marc was in a very devoted and adorable going on 10 year relationship with Jorge, the head of the lights/sound department…) but because of her merits. She had auditioned and had been picked out of the 54 others as someone special, someone who could convincingly pull up being the Queen she had always called herself.

Penny certainly looked regal now, dressed in a pale rose dress and her blonde hair had been waved before put up in an elegant messy updo. Scattered throughout the updo were gold and silver Penny Blossoms, made just for the show. The Blossoms were in the other actresses' hair, too. Perhaps a new line could made the troupe…

She had worked hard and earned the paying opening in the troupe. She had worked hard and actually earned a promotion at the Cheesecake Factory, replacing the bitchy supervisor that had been the bane of her existence. Of course, even though she was promoted, when Dr. Triple Knock came in, the others still left him to her, calling her Mrs. Dr. Triple Knock with only a slight edge of mocking. She still remembered the smile on his face when she showed him the nametag…

Smiling, she opened the stage left door and peeked from behind the thick red curtains.

The theater was filling up fast but smack dab in the center row of the center section was Sheldon. He had on a black and green pinstriped button down, beige khakis, and the gray Chuck Taylor sneakers she had bought for him, complete with The Flash shoelaces. He was also holding a very large bouquet of pink and white roses, her favorite. On his right were Missy and Raj, on the left Bernadette and G.J. Both Lee Coopers were holding video cameras like excited parents. Bernadette held a Hello Kitty Plushy on her lap and Raj also had flowers, a bouquet of lilies, one already tucked behind Missy's left ear.

One row in front of them was a gorgeous teal wrap dress clad Leslie Winkle, shyly smiling at Collin McIntyre. Collin was Leonard's replacement in the labs and looked like Hill Harper from _**CSI: NY**_ but sounded like Daniel Craig. He was very kind and patient, a perfect foil to Leslie's…Leslieness and both doctors now had a standing place in the living room for HALO night. The power of love really was something. How else would Leslie and Sheldon have been able to make peace…well, not peace but a tolerance built on mutual respect?

Next to them were Howard and Fiona Kingsley. Fiona was a petite fiery redhead from Miami who was a tattoo artist in Beverly Hills and an electrical engineer. She was just a perverted as Howard was but more subtle about it, an Elvira sensuality to Howard's Glenn Quagmire. Unbelievably, she had gotten Howard to move out of his mother's house and had enough sci-fi related costumes, films, TV shows, and props to open a tourist trap. She was geeky enough to fit right in with the boys but still had a refreshing sense of normalcy.

Sheldon's soft baby blues lit on her and she waved, making his now common, non Joker smile curve his lips.

"_**Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.", **_she mouthed, making the smile widen.

Yes, she had learned Vulcan for him.

No, she was not ashamed.


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's Note: Good evening, everyone. This is the last real chapter of this fic. Writing this story has been an overall wonderful experience and has helped me sharpen my writing chops for the future. I'd like to take the time right now to thank you all for reading, reviewing, following, recommending, and just plain enjoying this Shenny scribble on the wall and **_**Karma**_** will not be my last contribution to TBBT fanfic. Tomorrow's update will be an into the future epilogue and yes, there will be a beautiful smart and non-imaginary child right in the thick of it. Enjoy today's chapter!**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"You are spectacular."

Her cheeks flared to a light pink and she smiled, turning in the makeup chair to face him. Her costumes were hanging neatly on a rolling rack nearby and her hair was down, the cornsilk locks curled like double helixes from unbraiding. She had on a black shirt with the outline of the first Death Star in white, a match lighting the fuse on top of the station. Most of her legs were exposed by the dark gray denim shorts she put back on and as always, his Queen had on her boots.

"Thank you so much for the flowers, sweetie." she rasped softly.

Sheldon smiled as she hugged him, pressing his lips to her temple.

"I am so proud of you, Penny. You've accomplished your dream."

"I wouldn't have been able to do it without growing up and without your support. I…I just hope I'll be around to support you when you get your Nobel."

That was his opening. Pulling away from her embrace, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small black box. Her emerald eyes widened to saucers as he sank to his knees. With shaking fingers, he opened the box and she gasped.

The ring had belonged to his maternal great-great grandmother. It had come with her from Wales and had been kept safe by his MeeMaw for over 30 years. It was a platinum band with a trio of white diamonds, two 1 carat flanking a 2 carat. The infinity symbol was engraved on the inside and it had been lovingly maintained to showroom stature.

G.J. had given it to him when he and Missy arrived 6 weeks before, a knowing smile on his face…

"Sheldon?"

"I love you. You are the most important variable in my life, my anchor and guide to humanity. You've stood by me through times of joy and sorrow and I cannot imagine being with any other woman for the rest of my life nor do I want to. Penelope Rosemary Oaks, will you please allow me your hand in marriage?"

Her mouth worked soundlessly for approximately 28 seconds before she squeaked, "_Yes._"

"Yes?"

She nodded madly and held out her left hand expectantly.

As the ring was securely on, she tackled him to the floor, showering him with kisses.


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's Note: Good evening, everyone. Alas, the end. This fic has been a absolute joy and a pain the neck to write and I'm glad that it was enjoyed by you guys out there. Like I said last A/N, this is not my last contribution to the fandom but it may be a while before I return. I still have fics from 4 years ago to update and finish plus all the new ships I've gotten into deserve their own fics, too. Any ideas for stories for Shenny would be appreciated. Thank you all again for supporting this story and enjoy the epilogue. With love, ~*CMW2*~**

**Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"**

"Am I a freak of nature?"

7 year old Andromeda ('Meda pronounced like may-da) Ivy Lee Cooper startled as her father abruptly turned to her, his face looking…she wasn't sure. It was a cross between sad and angry and his jaw started ticking. Her inherited robin's egg blue eyes went to her mother who looked very close to crying for some reason.

Her daddy cleared his throat and knelt down to look her in the eye. She always liked it when he did that. Most grown ups made her strain to look up at them and barely listened to her…

"'Meda, why are you asking that?"

"Kevin Jacobs said that I was a freak of nature at recess because I can do algebra like his big brother and I'm always reading big books instead of jumping rope and giggling like the other girls. He said that I'm a freak of nature and should be locked up so nobody else gets infested. I told him that the word he was looking for was infected and he just stomped away like a rodeo bull. I think he's wrong but I'm not sure. Since you and mommy are really smart and you made me, I figured you two could tell me for sure. Am I a freak of nature?"

"Absolutely not, 'Meda!"

"Your mother is correct."

"But, I'm different from the other kids. My brain works differently and I like stuff that I'm not supposed to like comic books and football and blowing stuff up."

Her mother joined them from behind the kitchen counter and took both her hands. 'Meda looked down her bare feet, half hidden by the pink and black plaid pajamas she had on plus her light blonde hair.

"Andromeda, look at me."

She obeyed and was riveted by the fierce fire in her mother's emerald gaze.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Yes, you are different but that is far from a bad thing. You're special and unique and you should never, _**ever**_ feel like you have to change yourself to make other people like you, especially a boy."

"But, I don't care if other people like me. As long as you and daddy and all the rest of the family love me, everyone else doesn't matter. I was just asking out of curiosity. Thank you for answering my question." she lied bravely, her cheeks filling with color at the action.

She stepped forward and both of her parents hugged her tightly. She liked that, too. Their hugs were warm and reassuring. She kissed first her daddy and then her mommy on the cheek before retreating back to her room. As she settled into her bed, she could hear them talking in low tones.

"…_oughta go down there and skin the little punk alive!"_

"_Sheldon, he's just a stupid 7 year old boy, not public enemy number one."_

"_I don't care if he's a stupid 7 year old boy. He made our offspring feel as if she is inadequate, which she is not and I will not let her be bullied like I was just because she's smart...aren't you angry too, Penelope? You seem to be remarkably calm..."_

"_Oh, I'm pissed too, sweetheart. Believe me but going Junior Rodeo and skinning the little bastard alive, no matter how awesome it would be, won't solve the problem. I think we need to talk to 'Meda's teacher and the headmaster about this."_

"_Agreed…I'm going to make her a hot beverage. She's obviously upset…"_

Slowly, a smile curved her lips and she held her stuffed bunny close to her.

Even when everyone else didn't understand, her mommy and daddy did and loved her.

It was very comforting.

**FIN.**


End file.
